Lesa did you know?…

I can’t believe another year has begun…and we are past the middle of the first month already.  Maybe it’s because Christmas hasn’t quite been over for us yet.  We just had our family Christmas with my in-laws this past Saturday, and this coming weekend was supposed to be Mike’s holiday party at work, but because of all the snow they are calling for it is now going to be at the end of February.  So, I guess the holidays are going to last a bit longer for us.

Have you ever had a year where you just couldn’t get into Christmas…maybe even felt a little sad?  I had one of those this year.  I’m not even really sure why this year bothered me.  I know people who struggle with depression during the holidays and although I miss my loved ones who are no longer on this earth every holiday, I don’t usually get the blues.  I didn’t get as much quite time with God and that may be why…but for whatever reason…I was pretty weepy…and certain Christmas songs sure didn’t help.

One of my all time favorite Christmas songs is Mary Did You Know? written by Mark Lowry.  Right now my favorite version is by Pentatonix.

As a mother, it isn’t hard for me to connect to this song.  I try to imagine how Mary must have felt raising Jesus.  There is a scene in the movie Passion of the Christ that will forever remain with me.  It’s when Jesus is walking with the cross and he falls.  Mary is in the crowd and as she watches him fall she has flashbacks to when he was a toddler learning to walk. They show him falling as a toddler and then they go back to the scene of him as an adult.  That scene hits me right in the heart.  Our children are our children until the day we die…no matter how old they get, and when they hurt…we hurt.

As I listened to the song this year, I couldn’t help but wonder what life would have been like if I’d known sooner that my son was gay.

Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
Lesa did you know that your baby boy would one day discover he was gay?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?
Lesa did you know that your baby boy would be called an abomination?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Lesa did you know that your baby boy would be discriminated against? (there are currently 115 anti-LGBT bills that have been introduced in state and local legislation)
Mary did you know that your baby boy would calm the storm with his hand?
Lesa did you know that your baby boy would have preachers calling for his death from their pulpits. (these aren’t outlandish Westboro Baptist type churches – they are every day churches – I won’t put their names here because they could be a trigger for someone, but if you want more info you can contact me.)

Would I want to know these things as I held my baby boy?  No, I have to say that I’m glad I didn’t.  As much as I wish I could have prepared him for what he was about to face, I wasn’t prepared to handle it back then.  I, of course, wish I could have protected him from the pain he went through with the coming out process, but I know that it has shaped him into the strong person he is now.  I am a different person now having gone though this with him.  I shudder to think of how I may have handled it if I had known back then.  (please understand that I am not comparing raising a gay son to raising Jesus so don’t email me about that – smile).

There were a lot of engagements happening this Christmas…and maybe that was part of my sadness.  It’s a reminder that my son may not have the same joy of that occasion.  Yes, he can get married at the moment…but…

Will he have a clerk refuse to sign his marriage license?
Will he have a baker refuse to make his cake?
Will he have a florist refuse to create his flower arrangements?
Will the venue find a reason for him not to have his reception where he would like it?

These are the kind of things that our kids are faced with on a daily basis.

So, these have been my holiday musings.  I hope one day I won’t have such things to ponder.  I share them with you as a reminder that there is still work to be done.  Because whether or not we agree on things, the one thing I know for sure is that everyone should be loved.

There’s a line in the song that pertains to Mary and myself:

This child that you delivered, will soon deliver you.

My son has delivered me from the box I was living in, and had God stuffed in there with me, and helped me love others unconditionally.  I am forever grateful for that and it makes the journey a little less painful.

So let me ask you…

Do you know…that you are loved.  If you don’t, contact me.

Love matters…but how we love matters even more.


Happy New Year 2016!

As Mike and I were preparing for friends to come over yesterday to ring in the new year, I had a memory surface from my childhood.  Growing up my parents would get all gussied up for new year’s.  They would get together with friends and family for dinner and dancing.  There was one year in particular that I remember.  They had gotten ready for the big night and as they were getting ready to leave I was sitting on our steps crying.  My dad came over to me and asked why I was crying…it was unusual  for me.  You see…this particular year my mom was wearing the most gorgeous dress I had ever seen.  It was silver and sparkly from head to toe and had an open back.  I thought she looked beautiful.  I explained to my dad that I was worried that men would whistle at my mom because she looked so pretty.  Now don’t ask me why I thought that was so upsetting, but apparently it was a grave concern for me.  My dad assured me that if anyone whistled at her he would promptly punch them in the nose.  And apparently that’s all I need to know because I was fine after that (smile).  Funny how little memories like that can just pop into your brain at the most unexpected times.

I can’t believe that 2015 has come to an end.  I know everyone says it, but where has the time gone?  It just keeps going faster and faster.  If you have been following me for a while, you know that I didn’t write as much this year.  When I first started this blog, I wrote a post just about once a week.  This year it was more like once a month.  There are a few reasons for that…this year I’ve spent more time with people in person, learning their stories and getting to know them better, I’ve helped to start a PFLAG chapter in my area, and honestly after sharing my story at my church in July I needed a bit of a break from everything.  I’m excited to see what this new year holds and where God takes me on this journey.  I hope you come along with me (smile).

In 2015, my blog was viewed by people in 89 different countries.  I still can’t believe how far-reaching a blog can be!  Here are the most viewed blog posts in 2015 (two are from 2014, but seem to be favorites that people visit often).  If you missed one, check it out.  And if it touches you, please share (smile):

Is God REALLY good ALL the time…

Perspective…sometimes it knocks you off your feet…

A Mother’s Heart…

Sacred moments…

The face of courage...

Do you speak love fluently…

As you face the new year, embrace the challenges, the adventures, the possibilities…

It’s a new start…with a blank slate.

Get out there and love…because it matters.

Happy New Year!