This was my dad’s mantra growing up. Actually there were two…
Don’t do that…
It will get better before you get married…
If you went to him with an injury and said something like, “Dad it hurts when I bend my arm.” He would respond with, “Don’t do that then.”
Or if you went to him with a bruise, cut, or some other minor injury he would respond, “It will get better before you get married.”
Or if your friend got mad at you…he would just simply say, “It will get better before you get married.” Sigh…
(He did take care of serious things…these were minor)
I have no idea where he got this saying. Knowing him he made it up because he didn’t have a solution. His answer could be annoying at times, but at the same time it seemed to be a sufficient answer for my sister and I. Since neither of my kids at this time want to get married, I can’t use this “cure-all” for them. For those minor ailments or problems I’m left with something lame like, “I don’t know what to tell you.” (smile)
It will get better before you get married…
What if the fact that you are getting married is what causes the problem? What if those closest to you aren’t happy with who you love? What if they refuse to attend the wedding? Even worse…what if they cut you out of their lives because of it?
Some say that gay people getting married is ruining marriage and family values. One thing I know for sure…the legalization of same-sex marriage three years ago has not impacted my marriage at all. In fact, in about four weeks Mike and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary. What I have seen is families torn apart by not accepting who their child or family member loves and intends to marry.
The thing most often said in these situations is…
“I love you, but I can not accept this lifestyle that you are choosing. I can not go to your wedding because that would mean that I’m ok with it.” People will defend their stand saying that they can love someone and not be ok with everything that they do. Well I think it’s pretty safe to say that just about everyone that we love does something that we may not agree with at one time or another. The difference here is how differently the person who is LGBTQ is treated.
Once again, I would like to point out that people do not choose this. It is not a lifestyle. It is who they are and when you don’t accept all of who they are…when you don’t accept who they love…it doesn’t feel like love at all. Your words are hollow and meaningless. You can argue your love to the cows come home. It won’t matter. You just don’t understand the depths of pain you cause them.
And it saddens me because so many don’t try to understand. If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, “I just want to follow the truth of the Bible,” I would be a very rich woman. As if those who support the LGBTQ community have just completely thrown the Bible out of the window.
I can give you examples of thousands of parents and LGBTQ individuals who have scoured the Bible on this topic. We are accused of listening to what our “itching ears want to hear”. We don’t research the Bible trying to figure out how to be “ok” with having a gay child or being LGBTQ. I would say for many of us we start out trying to figure out how to “fix” our loved ones or ourselves. What we learn is that it isn’t something that needs to be fixed. You don’t have to agree with that, but knowing that may help you to understand why your love isn’t felt.
So many people I know join Bible studies. People (some famously known) who have studied certain topics or passages and develop classes, DVD’s, or books with study guides to explain what they’ve discovered. People flock to these things. I’ve been part of some of them. Learning the original language and historical context of a passage is exciting. Sometimes you learn that looking at a particular verse in the historical context looks completely different from how you were applying it today.
Sadly many of these same people won’t touch a book that delves into the scriptures used to condemn the LGBTQ community. We refer to them as the clobber passages. These books also look at original language and historical context. These books, however, are seen as un-biblical. Did you know that reading a book like that shows love to an LGBTQ individual? The fact that you are willing to even look at them? You can read them and still not agree with them. You might be surprised, however, at what God will show you.
I’ve seen too many families broken. I’ve seen too many children take their lives. Too many kids kicked out of their homes (two just in this last week). There have been too many empty chairs at weddings.
God loves these children…are you better than God?
There’s hope…If you find yourself in a situation where you don’t have support, there is an ever-growing group of mama bears that are willing to step in and offer that support. Just send me an email via my contact page.
It will get better when we all learn how to love better…