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You’re going to be okay…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

“If you really want to do this, you will need to pass my test.”  Words to me from my dad. “You need to swim from this end of the pool all the way to the other end – without taking a break.”  We were at our yearly family reunion and this was a public pool for the whole facility so it was a big built-in swimming pool.  As a girl of about 10, it seemed like a huge task…but one that I was willing to take on.  If successful, I would be able to jump from the high dive.  This particular swimming pool had two diving boards.  The low board, and the coveted high board.  Every year I would bug my dad to let me jump from the higher board, but was always told that I was too young.  But that particular day I swam the whole length of the pool with no rest.  After getting the nod from my dad, I went to stand in line to wait my turn for the high dive. When it was finally my turn, I climbed the ladder with excitement, got to the top, and froze.  Diving_BoardIt seemed so much higher up there than it did from the ground.  I was terrified. Unfortunately, there was no turning back.  The next person was already at the top of the ladder and was waiting for me to take the plunge.  I didn’t know if I could do it.   What was I doing up here? But then I remembered…this was something I had bugged my dad to do for years.  He tested me to make sure I could handle it.  He made the determination that I was ready for this moment.  I also knew that my dad would be watching me the whole time….ready to rescue me if need be…and I jumped!

“No matter what happens, you’re going to be okay…”  I’ve been thinking about this all week…because it’s been one of those weeks.  Well actually it’s been a few tough months. My husband herniated a disc in his back on December 11th and has been in excruciating pain for the last two months.  It’s been decided that he needs surgery to fix it.  Here we are finally…the week of surgery and I got a stomach virus and some crazy rash that covered my whole body, our daughter had an “accident” with a curb in the snow and not only blew out her tire, but did damage to her undercarriage, and tomorrow, the day of surgery, they are calling for a possible foot of snow.  What can I say other than…it’s going to be okay?  Right?

Our idea of okay is sometimes different than God’s idea of okay.  When I first learned that my son was gay, I heard God whisper almost immediately that it was going to be okay.  At the time, I thought okay meant that we were going to figure out why it happened, get him help, and he wouldn’t be gay anymore.  I didn’t know any better.  I understand now that what God meant is that I would be okay with the fact that I have a gay son.  That it wouldn’t matter.  That he is still the same intelligent, witty, young man that I dearly love.  God knew that I would be okay, I just needed to lean on Him and trust Him through the process.

After that first terrifying jump off of the high dive, I forced myself to climb back up that ladder to jump again.  Eventually it wasn’t scary anymore and it became fun.  There are moments in life we choose , like jumping off a high dive, and there are moments that just happen, like needing surgery.  There are days we are late for work, days that nothing seems to go right, and days that make us feel like we just can’t do it anymore.  But just like my earthly father tested me to make sure I was ready for the challenge of jumping off the high dive, you have a heavenly Father who tests you to make sure you can handle what life brings you.  He knows that you are ready for the challenges.  He knows that you will be okay because He never takes His eyes off of you.

flySo when you are going through a tough circumstance, remember who is with you.  Take that jump…because you’re going to be okay.

Life from the unexpected…

/ Lesa / 2 Comments

I was looking through my vacation pictures the other day.  The most recent being of New England…specifically Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine.  I love that part of the country.  Everywhere you look you can see mountains. There was something really peculiar though…I was amazed at the trees that grew right out of the side of the mountains. I’m not talking about tree covered mountain sides…but trees literally growing out of rocks. I wish I could have gotten better pictures, but most of the time we were driving when we would see them.

Coffee-for-Your-Heart-150How does that happen??  I’m joining my fellow blogger Holley Gerth and her “Coffee for Your Heart” challenge to encourage others.  This week’s topic is “What are the encouraging words you want to hear when you’re having a hard day?”  To be honest, I’m not sure that there are words that I want to hear when I’m having a bad day.  Sometimes it helps me more to just have someone listen. So, when someone is having a bad day the first thing I do is listen to them.  Let them vent because it helps to get it all out.  I find that sometimes an answer to a problem comes just from talking about it out loud to a friend.  If the circumstances are right, I also use humor.  I’ll be the first to admit that I am just a big goof ball at heart (and my friends have plenty of pictures to prove it unfortunately [smile]).    Now I would never say this to someone in the midst of a hard day (I would probably get smacked upside the head), but the truth is…those hard days can turn into something that is good for us.

quarrySo how is it possible for trees to grow right out of rock?  How can something beautiful grow from something so hard and lifeless?  One of the places that we visited our first time in Vermont was the Rock of Ages Quarry.  They have amazing granite there, and as you can see, there are trees growing right out of that granite.  The tour guide explained that all it takes is a small crack to develop in the rock.  This allows the rain to get down in there and it slowly breaks the rock down into sand and dirt.  Add a little sunshine to the mix and some wind to blow some seed and low and behold…you get a tree!  So what can seem like a flaw in the rock, actually is something that brings forth life.

What does that have to do with a bad day, or month, or year?  Well there are times when life is just plain hard.  Things happen that we just can’t explain or understand (why would God allow this to happen?, etc).  We have a choice when this happens. We can close off our heart to God, our family and friends, and even to ourselves.  Or, we can choose to open up about our struggles.  Share them with someone…with God.  Open our hearts so God can rain down His healing power.  He can take a difficult situation, something that seems so impossible, and allow it to break us down, and grow us into something we never expected possible.  I don’t dare pretend that this process is easy.  But I can tell you that if you allow God to work through your bad days, amazing things can take place.  I never dreamed that having a gay child would strengthen my relationship with God, but it has done just that.  It was hard, it was confusing at times, and it has made me love Him even more.

So, if you’re having a bad day…know that God is with you.  He loves you more than you can imagine.  He cares about what you are going through. And someday, you will see how you’ve grown through the experience.

When it feels like everything is falling apart…remember this:

Love each other…because love matters…

You’re not alone…

/ Lesa / 1 Comment

I was talking with one of my friends who was gushing about being a grandmother.  Her excitement was contagious.   She was telling me about the recent weekend that her granddaughter got to spend with her.  She was explaining that when it was time to go to bed her granddaughter told her she was scared.  Thinking that this would be a good teaching moment she said to her granddaughter, “honey you won’t be by yourself…Jesus is always with you in your heart.”  Her granddaughter looked up at her with big crocodile tears, “but Grandma…I want someone with skin.”  I thought this was the cutest way to describe that she just wanted someone to be physically there with her.  Do you know that feeling?

Coffee-for-Your-Heart-150Today I join my fellow blogger Holley Gerth and her “Coffee for Your Heart” challenge.  Today’s topic is…You’re Not Alone.  I have to tell you when I first read this I cried.  It reminded me of the many years I spent keeping the secret that my son was gay and how lonely that made me feel.  I didn’t keep it a secret because I wanted to…I felt like I had to.

We ALL have “stuff” in life that we go through.  It’s so easy for us to share the happy and joyous moments of our lives, but it is so much harder to share our struggles.  This can leave us feeling like we are all alone.  We know that the Holy Spirit is always with us to strengthen us, to give us life-giving energy, and to help us accomplish things that we could never do on our own. Nothing can compare to the gift of the Holy Spirit.  He is our helper.  I would always tell you to completely rely on his wisdom and guidance. But God also calls us to love each other, to be there for each other…because sometimes we just need someone with skin (smile).

It can be a scary thing to share your insecurities, your struggles, your grief, etc.  But I am here to tell you that if you can find someone to share those things with, it can completely help to change your life.  If we could all open up our lives to each other, we would all realize that there is no reason to feel alone.  Let’s look at my life for a moment.  I can share with you about the trials and tribulations of having a sibling that is an alcoholic…and about practicing the most difficult form of love…tough love (I’m happy to say that my sister is now 10 years sober…woo hoo…and I couldn’t be prouder of her).  I can share with you about the grief of losing a parent…especially in a sudden and unexpected way (see my post I will see you again).  I can share with you about the stress of dealing with family members that deal with OCD, anxiety, and depression.  I can share with you about having an illness for a long period of time without having answers about what is wrong with you (I’ve had fevers, headaches, pain and chronic fatigue for 20 years).  And my latest is… I can share with you (and have with this blog – smile) what it’s like to be a Christian and have your child come out to you.  As I said earlier…we all have difficulties that we deal with along this journey we call life.  One of the things that gives me great joy is to be able to share these life experiences to help others.  It makes the pain somehow worth it.  You are not alone my friend.  There are others out there who struggle with difficulties…just like you.

I mentioned that I felt like I had to keep the fact that my son is gay a secret.  It was to protect him and my family. We weren’t ready for people to know.  We had experiences with fellow Christians that made it clear where they stood on the subject and it wasn’t one of love.  We couldn’t help but be fearful about how people might respond to the news. It took time and prayer to get to the place where we were strong enough to deal with what might come our way once the news was out there.  I’m happy to say that the response has been mostly good.  It was worth the risk. And I don’t feel alone anymore.

If you or someone you know is gay or has a family member who is gay, and they don’t feel like they have anyone to turn to, please have them email me.  I would be happy to talk to them.  If you go to my contact page, it will send me a private email.  No one else can see it but me.  It’s a start.  You don’t have to go through it alone.

Take some time this week to prove to someone that they aren’t alone.  It will change not only their life…but yours.

And remember to love each other…because love matters.

More than just a peanut…

/ Lesa / 11 Comments

When I was younger, I was a peanut.  Unfortunately, because of my size, I was a target for bullying.  There was one girl in particular in my neighborhood that was relentless.  When I was 8 or 9 I was so fed up with her picking on me, that I went to my dad and asked him to teach me how to punch.  (I am not an advocate of violence in any form.  I simply wanted to be able to protect myself if it came to that).  I don’t remember if I told my dad the reason, but he not only taught me how to throw a punch, but he also taught me how to block one.

My best friend at the time was also named Lisa.  Because we were always together, most people called us by our first and middle name.  So, I was known as Lesa Page (yes my parents spelled both of my names wrong).  We were out in the neighborhood playing one day and “bully” girl started harassing me.  She was always telling me she was going to “kick my butt” so I basically told her to do it and get it over with…I was tired of her threatening me.  So she did…or at least she tried. She pulled back and threw a punch.  I blocked it with my left arm and bawled up my right hand into a fist and hit her right in the stomach.  (again not supporting violence, I was 8 or 9 and at my breaking point). She was shocked and ran home crying.

5.0.2I few minutes later the “bully” girl and her mom were knocking on my friend Lisa’s front door (they lived across the street from her).  Her mom answered the door and “bully” girl’s mom proceeded to yell at her and tell her that she needed to control her daughter.  Apparently, “bully” girl ran home telling her mom that Lesa hit her (not using a middle name to distinguish which one).  Her mom assumed it was my friend, who was much bigger than me and her daughter.  My friend’s mom looked at the other mom and said “it wasn’t my Lisa who hit her, it was this one,” and pointed at me. When “bully” girl’s mom learned that it was me that hit her daughter, she just took her by the arm, walked off the porch, and went home.

So what’s that familiar saying…don’t judge a book by its cover?  Well obviously we should do this more often with people…and not just because they might haul off and punch you in the stomach (wink).  Unfortunately, the truth is that we do judge others.  Even in a place that should be a judge free zone…like the Church.  When I was younger, I was judged because of my size.  Today I am judged because my son is gay.  The judgement I receive, however, is nothing like what he receives.  I don’t mean to be crude, but in the eyes of many Christians, gay people are seen as a sexual act…not as human beings.  The thought process tends to be about what gay people do…not who they are as people.  This is why many of them stay away from church.  They feel either invisible or like a “problem” or “situation” that needs to be handled.  This is so devastating to them…and their families.  When I go to church on Sundays, and the ushers open the doors for me, metaphorically I am hearing church doors slam in the face of my son.  How will he ever find his way back to the One who created him if God’s people judge him harshly and unfairly?  I think Jesus would want us to be better representatives.  Don’t you?

By the way, I grew up to be a whopping 5 foot, half an inch (smile).

Love each other…because love matters.

YOU ARE LOVED…

/ Lesa / 2 Comments

I don’t know what I would do without music.  It’s one thing that can keep me going on those days where my fatigue is just getting the best of me.  It’s very common in my house to hear my iPod blasting music with me singing and dancing around the kitchen like an idiot either cleaning or cooking.  I realized the other day when thinking about this post that there is a lot of music that talks about love.  Love going right and love gone bad.  Why do you think that is?

Coffee-for-Your-Heart-150I’m linking up with my friend Holley Gerth and joining her Coffee for Your Heart challenge. Each Wednesday she asks us to encourage our readers with a theme and guess what this week’s theme is – You’re Loved.  Well how about that?  (smile).

I think there is a very good reason why so many songs talk about love.  We all have a strong desire to be loved.  It’s part of our human nature. But how good are you at loving yourself?  I’m not talking about thinking you are all that and a bag of chips kind of loving yourself.  I mean really accepting how your Father created you.  I think all too often we feed ourselves with negative talk.  I think this really grieves God.  He created you with a plan and a purpose.  Uniquely designed just for you.  Doubting yourself and putting yourself down defeats His plans for you. He loves you more than you can even imagine and He wants you to share that love…with others…and yourself.  As a matter of fact, I don’t believe you can love well unless you truly love yourself.  Jesus’ greatest command to us is found here:

Mark 12:30-31
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  The second is this ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’.  There is no greater commandment than these.

As you can see, this love thing is pretty important to God.  But notice that He tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Hmmmm…I think if we aren’t good at loving ourselves…we may not be so good at loving others.  If we are tearing ourselves down, how can we build others up?  So, give yourself a break.  Remember that you are loved beyond measure by a God who knows all your flaws.  But you know…they serve a purpose too.  They help us to rely on Him and they help us to grow.  If you have trouble grasping that you are loved, ask someone for help.  Don’t waste another day not knowing the freedom and grace that God can give you.

His love never fails…it never gives up…it never runs out.  And because I love music so much I leave you with this (smile):