The Voice of a Mom…Part III

/ Lesa / 8 Comments

I have a secret.  It’s one that I’ve been holding onto for 44 years.  My younger cousins will be shocked to know this secret as they think I never did anything wrong as a child.  I’m not sure I’ve ever told anyone this secret.  It happened when I was four years old.  My mom and I were carving a pumpkin for Halloween.  My dad was on night shift so it was just the two of us.  We started the process and cut the top off of the pumpkin.  Next we scooped out the guts.  My mom needed to use the restroom and before doing so she left very strict instructions not to eat any of the guts that we just scooped out while she was gone. Well that made me very curious.  I waited until I was sure she was all the way up the stairs and in the bathroom before I proceeded to take the teeniest, tiniest, ittiest bittiest piece of pumpkin pulp…and popped it into my mouth.

She came back downstairs and we completed the carving of our pumpkin.  And then it happened.  I got very sick.  I mean really sick.  I don’t remember how many times I threw up, but it was a lot.  I can only remember one other time 44 years later that I was as sick as I was that night.  She asked me over and over again, “Lesa are you sure you didn’t eat any of that pumpkin?”  And each time, “No I didn’t eat any.”  Liar, liar pants on fire!  I have no idea if the pumpkin made me sick.  I mean…isn’t that where we get the pumpkin for pumpkin pie?  Maybe you have to cook it before it’s edible?  Could it have been my guilt from knowing I did something I wasn’t supposed to do that made me so sick?  I guess we will never know…unless there is a pumpkin expert out there that will indeed tell me that raw pumpkin will make you deathly ill (smile).

My mom was trying to protect me and in return she got a sleepless night with a very sick little one.  Protecting their children is something that is just a natural instinct that comes with motherhood.  I have lots of examples of her fierce love and protective nature over me and my sister.  This is just a small example and it’s a simple one.  But for many moms, protecting our young is one of our greatest tasks.  I think you will hear that in the “voice” of the next mom that is going to share with us. As you read her story about her transgender child, you will hear the protective mama bear coming out. And when you have a LGBTQ child, this task is even more daunting as so much of the world is against your child. (here is another article that will help explain that transgender is not a choice).

This mom has a child a bit further in the journey than the first mom who shared.  Again, a very personal story will be shared with you.  Please be respectful if you decide to comment.  She is another amazing mom with a beautiful daughter and I am so happy that I’ve gotten to know her and proud to call her my friend.

10177861_10203423196682319_2655426038570311619_nAnd now the voice of a mom part III:

I am doing this writing for my friend Lesa that asked me to speak on behalf of myself & my transdaughter. I am doing this in hopes that it opens people’s eyes & hearts.

First some background…Although our journey that led us to another daughter began in my eyes many years ago, it has really only just begun.  Let me explain…Drue is my 14-year-old daughter.  She was born as Andrew (a boy).  I was so excited to have a child and didn’t care of the sex as long as my child was happy and healthy as most moms I am sure would say.  Drue joins our family with 2 other sisters. My husband and I are pretty easy-going parents and do everything with our kids.   Never in the mom handbook or “What to expect with your toddler” did it ever have a chapter on raising a transgender child.  I am damn glad it didn’t.  I didn’t need some book telling me how to prepare myself for the amazing transformation my child was about to undertake in the future ahead.

We have been so blessed with this amazing, talented, fun-loving gift.  I could tell from a very young age that Drue was different from the other little boys.  He was always very nurturing, kind, loving & sweet, so artistic and loved to learn.  He would watch every move I made and try to mimic them. I thought, “Ok, this is normal because my oldest daughter did the same.”  He carried a blanket around everywhere and would put it on his head and pretended it was his long beautiful “girl” hair.  He would wear my heels around the house and even outside on the concrete to hear them on the sidewalk.  I told myself, “What kids don’t do that?”

At around age three, Drue would play with toys that I thought were enjoyable “boy” toys, but he never seemed happy when doing so.  My oldest daughter had Barbie dolls all over the house.  One day Drue picked a Barbie up and an enormous smile filled his face…one that I haven’t ever quite seen. It was a different kind of happy.  Drue joyfully played with that doll endlessly and Barbie went everywhere with us

When we went to the store, he always chose the “girl” aisle of toys and I thought “Ok, so what…it’s just toys.” I would try to take him and almost force him to pick out “boy” toys.  Sometimes, unwillingly, I could tell he would just pick one only to satisfy me.  Finally I said to myself, “That’s it.  It is plain to see that girl toys make my child happy.”  And if he is happy so am I.  Parenting sometimes involves compromising.  You learn this pretty early.

Several years of pain and suffering inside his own head trying to figure out who he was and where he belongs really took a toll on his life.  At around 4th or 5th grade, he was bullied in school and begged me to remove him and home school him. It got to the point that he asked me to take him to the hospital for help and even said to his older sister I just don’t want to wake up. I knew at that moment I would do anything I had to do to make sure I didn’t lose my child.

After years of therapy and loving support, our child finally figured out who he was and where in this world he belonged. Andrew was always a girl trapped in a boy’s body.  It was so clear now. There is no doubt this is how our child was born.  I brought this child into this world and I made a promise to love and protect this child no matter what life brings. I told her we will make it work. We will do whatever we need to do and that she had mine and her dad’s support.  As I was saying this out loud to her, I meant every word… I really did.  I just didn’t know if I really could follow through with that.  As a mom, we always fear for our children’s safety.  This was so out of my control that I really didn’t know if I always could protect her but I know I will do my best.

As a parent I never felt a loss of a son. My child was always there…just in a different body.  I love my child for the person she is and the heart that she has.

Now for the questions that Lesa outlined:

1.  How do you know this isn’t just a phase?

A phase is a small part of life that someone can go through, but it’s not followed through with for a very long period of time.  It’s kind of like when someone changes their hair color all the time to keep up with the new “phase”.  You know it’s not a phase when it has always been there and showed up in many different ways.  When I hear people say that this “lifestyle” is a choice it burns me up inside.  No person, especially a child, would ever choose this life. It is a life full of questioning, wondering, re-building. It’s full of bullying, harassment, depression, drugs and sometimes suicide.  I wish people could understand that these are precious children full of a ton of love that are simply born in the wrong body.

2.  Are you hurting your child by giving them hormones or puberty blockers? Should you wait until they        are older?

The answer for my child’s situation is absolutely positively without a doubt NO!!  It would actually harm my child to not have blockers or start on hormones.  My daughter received a puberty blocker at age 13.  This is all a part of saving her life. So along with doctors who agreed it was time to start, the puberty blocking process began. The reason it’s so important is if you can only try to imagine being born a woman and growing a beard…no woman wants that.  Well that’s horrific to my trans daughter. This process stops facial hair, Adams apple, and voice deepening etc…   For our daughter to survive this had to be done.  In a few short months, she will start hormone therapy so she can feel more and more like a young lady as her other girlfriends do.

3.  Aren’t you saying God made a mistake?

God doesn’t create junk or mistakes.  God loves all.  This child was NO mistake. This child is one of the absolute greatest gifts in not just my life but everyone she meets. She loves deeply with no judgment on anybody.  Frankly, I feel that more of us could learn from her.  I firmly believe she was brought into my life to teach pure love & acceptance.   If we say God made a mistake, then that’s passing judgment and how can we do that as Gods children?  Are handicap children mistakes? Are drug addicted born babies mistakes? No and neither is a child that was born in the wrong body.

4.  What’s the big deal with the bathroom?

This is a touchy question and it’s been a battle that I hate arguing about.  No person understands what it’s like to walk in the shoes of our transgender children.  The bathroom and locker room is a very scary place for my child.  My child has changed clothes for gym and uses the toilet in the nurse’s office for 2 years now. The nerves and anxiety kick in and its tears and so many fears about what someone is going to say next. The funny part is when we go into a bathroom…we are going in there behind a door to use the toilet. We are not standing there to check people out. Hate to break it to everyone also but transgender people have used the restrooms for decades and guess what?? Nobody’s ever known.  They are human beings like us and they deserve to share the same rights we all have.

In ending, this is definitely not the life I pictured having, but I honestly can’t imagine it any other way.  I am the blessed one because I get to see life through Drue’s eyes.  She wants to try to better this world and I will continue to do so for her and many others.

I recently asked her if she wanted the pictures removed off the wall of her past…the old “Andrew” photos.   She said no because it was all part of who she is and the journey we are on. I couldn’t be more proud of her.  She is a pure loving child that I know is exactly where she is supposed to be in life.

Thanks for listening with open ears and I hope you have an open heart now as well if you didn’t before.

Lesa here:  Thanks once again for taking the time to read another mom’s journey.  I think it helps us to understand (as best we can) what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes.  I also think it is an act of love to step outside of ourselves to try to gain an understanding of something before we have a strong opinion on it.  I love this mom and her family and I would protect her “cubs” as if they were my very own.

Because love matters…

The Voice of a Mom…Part II

/ Lesa / 9 Comments

As most kids, when my sister and I were little we would get very excited when we would hear the ice cream truck music close by.  We would quickly run in the house jumping up and down begging for some money so we could get back outside to flag the truck down.  We would run down to the curb and wave our arms frantically to get the drivers attention.  It was a sad day when you didn’t make it out there in time to catch his attention.  One of these occasions caused my sister great angst.  We perused the side of the truck and carefully picked out what we wanted to order.  We stood in line and waited our turn trying to be patient.  When it was my sister’s turn, the man behind the counter loudly proclaimed, “And what can I get for you young man?”  My sister immediately burst into tears and quickly ran up the steps to our house without any ice cream.

It was an honest mistake.  She was about 6 years old at the time with short hair, a simple t-shirt and shorts.  But this mistake totally devastated her.  Being on this journey, I think of that story often.  Even though I don’t have a transgender child, I am friends with some transgender people and I know many moms of transgender children.  I can’t imagine how hard it is for them to deal with this on a daily basis…people seeing them as a different gender then how they see themselves.

As promised, I have a guest today who is going to share a very personal part of her family’s journey.  She has the youngest child out of the three moms that will be sharing with us.   She is an amazing mom with a beautiful little girl and I am proud to know her and glad that she considers me a friend.   I ask that you be respectful if you decide to comment.  (to learn some scientific information about what transgender means – here is an article that you might find helpful).

10177861_10203423196682319_2655426038570311619_nAnd now the voice of a mom part II:

Hi, 
My dear friend Lesa asked me to share some of my experiences as a parent to a transgender
child, since she has been getting some questions and would like to share as much 
information as possible.  She provided specific questions that she’s been getting.  These 
questions are all valid and are honestly questions that I’ve asked myself and professionals.  I 
also want to thank you for reading this.  It means that you must be open enough to want to 
learn about a topic that is hard to understand if you aren’t living it firsthand, and I appreciate 
that.  First, it probably makes the most sense to begin by giving a brief synopsis of my family’s 
story. 
 
I am a mom to a six (and a half – she would want me to add) year old transgender girl, which 
means born anatomically male, identifies as female in gender.  I’m also married to a 
wonderful husband, have three step-children who I adore, have a Master’s degree and work 
full time in a helping profession.  When my daughter was born, she was assigned male at 
birth.  I was ecstatic to have a little boy.  He was perfect, healthy and loving – what I often 
referred to as an “easy baby.”  I loved everything about being a mom.  At age three (some 
examples were as early as two), when he was able to begin expressing himself verbally more 
clearly, he would often express a desire for more feminine things.  He wanted to wear female 
clothes, went straight to the girls side of the Stride Rite shoe store and the ‘girls’ toy aisle, 
insisted on dressing as a female character for Halloween, and played with dolls.  At the time, I 
wrote this off as being a phase, knowing that gender is often explored pretty broadly during 
this age.  In hindsight I knew something was different about my child even then.  I remember 
having a sinking feeling every time he told me he wanted to wear a dress or nail polish, and I 
felt guilty when I firmly told him he could not dress as a girl for Halloween, but I was trying to 
(naively) guide him in the “right” direction.   
 
By age four these expressions had become more common.  Because of the constant 
requests to paint his nails, wear dresses and perfume, play with dolls, etc, on occasion we 
allowed this in the house.  He would say he wished I would let him be the girl that he was.  My 
sweet little boy started to become more introverted and seemed more sad.  At preschool he 
preferred to play house and only played with other little girls.  Even though I made him dress 
as a boy, he always insisted upon wearing one or two subtle feminine items like a scarf or 
toenail polish.  I would occasionally receive comments from others about how feminine by 
child was.  At this point I deduced that my child would likely be gay, and started preparing 
myself for this.   
 
Almost to the day of his fifth birthday, the mild requests about his gender identity became 
insistent, persistent and consistent statements that he was, in fact, a girl.  He started acting 
out in preschool.  He would cry for over an hour and beg not to go out of the house unless he 
could go as the girl that he was.  One evening he told me that I should have named him 
“sadness” because he was sad “all the time.”  We started looking for counselors.  One night 
soon after, at five years old, my child – who has generally lived a pretty charmed life – told me 
that if I didn’t allow him to be the girl that he was, he wanted to kill himself.  To this day I don’t 
know how my sweet little five year old even knew those words, or how she could know herself 
so well or express herself so clearly, but I knew this wasn’t going away.  I didn’t know what to 
do except hug *her* and say okay, I’m listening, and we will figure this out together.   
 
Once she made that statement my world turned upside down.  I could no longer continue to 
live in denial about what was happening.  I had a lot to learn and a lot of people to talk to, and 
fast.  The next morning I met with the owner of the preschool, who said they had suspected 
she was transgender for some time now.  I took her that night and bought her her first dress. 
I have never seen her happier.  Words can’t express the happiness she expressed over this. 
The more parents of transgender/gender fluid children I talked with, the more I heard the 
same story we were living.   After gaining a wealth of information we started using female 
pronouns and it was glaringly obvious that this was the right thing to do. Over the following 
months we established a relationship with a therapist who has supported our path, and I 
made it my other full time job to learn everything I could about this topic.  I attended support 
groups in three counties as well as gender conferences.  I talked to so many people with 
either personal or professional experience on the issue.  I read everything I could get my 
hands on.  I cried…wept at times.  I lost countless hours of sleep, and 30 pounds since I could 
hardly eat.  But every single problem we encountered with my daughter immediately 
dissipated once we allowed her to socially transition – to live as the girl that she is, or as the 
gender she identifies with. 
 
She now lives as the female that she is.  She is excelling at school.  She laughs when I 
remind her that she once asked to be called “sadness”, and often remarks how happy she is 
and how much she loves her life. I could go on and on about ways this difficult decision has 
ended up bettering her life, but there isn’t nearly enough time.   
 
So, onto the questions Lesa outlined: 
 
1.    How do you know it’s not a phase? 
            Even though I tried to give some general examples above, it’s very difficult to put into 
words all of the ways it is abundantly clear that my daughter’s gender is innate, versus a 
phase or a result of “nurture versus nature.”  I would like to pose the question to you as the 
reader:  When did you know you were a male or female?  For me, I always knew.  It takes no 
thought, I just know.  I am not overly “girly”, like my daughter.  I don’t wear dresses often or 
much makeup, but I know innately that I’m female.  My daughter would tell you that she’s 
known she is female since birth.  This never changes.  Even the most subtle of details are 
consistent.  She naturally gravitates toward other girls for play.  She always chooses the 
female avatar when playing games.  She is happy and thriving being able to live as her true 
self, and she’s not hurting anyone by doing so.  I’ve talked to families who tried to force their 
child to live in denial of their gender.  These children usually faced issues like depression, 
anxiety, self-injurious behavior, addiction and suicide.  Even though allowing people who are 
transgender to embrace who they are challenges us to be accepting of things we don’t 
understand, there is so much evidence that in doing so, these people thrive and become 
productive members of society.  I have attached a link to a recent research study, in which my
daughter is a participant, that shows the benefits of allowing these children to live as their 
identified gender versus natal sex.  Also, I have learned that it is very common for 
transgender people to begin expressing their gender identity as early as they can start talking, 
so this is not uncommon.  The overwhelming majority of people, including myself, were taught 
very young that gender and natal sex are one and the same.  Many people would swear this 
to be as true as the earth is round.  I now know that this is not true.  Gender and natal sex are 
two different things.  Usually they match, but in relatively rare instances they don’t.   
 
2.    Aren’t you hurting your child by giving them hormones?  Shouldn’t you wait until they’re 
older? 
             I am going to defer to my other friends with older children for this question.  I am 
learning to take things one step at a time with this process, so we still have multiple years 
until we address this.  I can say that we plan to see a renowned endocrinologist when my 
daughter turns seven.  Not to start any type of medication, but because we want to establish 
a relationship with this doctor, and be as open and transparent as possible as we plan for the 
possibility of hormone blockers and hormones in the future.  This way the endocrinologist can 
get to know my daughter, give us any feedback she has, and make recommendations as 
appropriate.  I can also tell you that I know that the pain of living in a body you don’t feel 
matches your identity is tremendously more painful than anything else.  My daughter already 
asks when she will be able to have a baby, when she can “not have a penis anymore”, and 
generally expresses anxiety about having to develop in any way masculine.  She says these 
things and it still shocks me.  These aren’t thoughts I ever would have had as a child, yet 
what she says is textbook for transgender people. 
 
3.   What’s the big deal about the bathroom? 
            So, if you would again take a second to think about this for yourself:  If you’re a parent, 
and someone told you that your daughter had to use the boy’s bathroom, how would you 
feel?  For my daughter, the thought is so distressing that at times she would cry or refuse to 
go to the bathroom at all versus having to go with males. Transgender people have been 
painted in the media as men that dress up as women to get into the women’s bathroom.  This 
is just untrue.  I could go on and on with statistics about this issue, but I won’t bore you.  I will 
simply say that children are in more risk at school, church, and with family than they are 
sharing a bathroom with a transgender person.  This is a huge issue, and one that keeps me 
up at night.  My daughter looks, acts, and carries herself as the female that she is.  You 
wouldn’t even notice if you were in the girls bathroom with her.  If she had to go into a male 
bathroom, she would be mortified, likely mistreated, and cause more trouble than being 
allowed to simply use the bathroom that coincides with her gender.  Side note:  you likely 
have known transgender people in your life without actually realizing it.  They are so scared of 
being judged they often work very hard to fly under the radar, especially in the bathroom. 
 
4.  Aren’t you saying that God made a mistake? 
     This is the most difficult question for me to answer.  Short answer after a long, 
frustrated sigh: no. Long answer: I don’t believe there are mistakes in life.  As a person 
who is agnostic, I am very open to all possibilities, religious views, and am deeply 
spiritual.  What I am not open to is any person or doctrine who ascribes to judgment or 
mean, exclusionary behavior in the name of God.  I don’t think God makes mistakes, 
and I believe in life there are only lessons. Would you ask a person who had an autistic 
child if they were a mistake from God?  What about someone with birth defects or 
hermaphrodites?  Or cancer?  Are these mistakes from God?  There are certainly 
endless examples of things in this universe that we don’t fully understand, but denying 
their existence when you haven’t taken the time to learn, or because they aren’t like 
you, or because something is rare is unacceptable.  It saddens me that the people who 
scare me the most in this world, in regards to my transgender daughter, are those who 
are the most religious.  Isn’t that sad?  God is love, and I would hope to find shelter in 
people who follow God, but it’s often where I find the most heartache and judgment.  
Sometimes, when I need to make myself feel better about the turn our life has taken, I 
tell myself that my child is even closer to the likeness of God than most of us.  I’ve read 
that some cultures (like certain Native American cultures) celebrate and honor people 
who are gender variant.  I know our culture will likely not celebrate this anytime soon, 
but I wish it was more accepting of our differences.  I don’t doubt that God is divinely 
accepting.  My six year old recently asked me why God put her in “the wrong body.”  
I’m still figuring out the answer to that, still learning the lesson.  For now, I just 
reassured her that she is healthy, happy and that down the road there are ways we 
can correct the parts of her body that feel “wrong” right now.  She was content with that 
response and skipped away.   
Lesa here…thank you for taking the time to read this special post.  I have the utmost respect for this mom and all the moms I know that have LGBTQ children.  The road we travel is a hard one.  I love them all and I feel like their kids are my kids.  I would do anything for any one of them…and I love them all dearly.
Because love matters…

The Voice of a Mom…Part I

/ Lesa / 7 Comments

I love nature.  There is such a peace I feel when I’m out in the woods, on the beach, or just sitting on my deck surrounded by the tall trees that are behind my house.  If there is water involved, like a babbling brook or ocean waves that is an extra bonus (smile).

10177861_10203423196682319_2655426038570311619_nThis tree is in my back yard.  I know it is hard to tell by the picture, but it is indeed one tree.  And yes that is both white and pink flowers that you see gracing it’s branches.  I LOVE this tree.  It is so unique. It was here when we moved into our house 18 years ago so I’m not sure how it came into existence, but I am so happy that it ended up in my backyard.  In many ways, this tree reminds me of the journey I’ve been on the past several years.

On the one hand, it reminds me of my faith.  The branches on the tree that have the white flowers grow up towards the sky.  The branches that have the pink flowers grow outward and spread out as if they are reaching for something.  The white version of the tree is my connection to God while the pink version is my desire to reach out to others to share His love.  To me it’s also a symbol of my once rigid belief system entangled with my quest to let God out of the box.

When I look at this tree, I also see the struggle of my son.  He tried to stay on a path that he thought was required of him. In doing so, he had to deny who he really was inside.  He tried desperately to stay on that path while on the inside he felt his true self reaching out trying to break off of the path that was never meant for him.  I see the part of the tree that grows upward and has the white flowers as the path, while the pink side is him reaching out to be himself.

I also can’t help but think of the transgender people I’ve met when I look at my tree.  Born as one gender while truly another. My tree is two trees intertwined into one.

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that things have gotten very heated towards transgender individuals.  The bill that was passed in NC and the whole Target bathroom announcement has caused some pretty ugly banter on social media.  What really surprises me is that some of these people who have the loudest voices don’t even know a transgender person.  Sadly this recent activity has caused suicide hotline calls to increase with the incidence of calls from transgender individuals doubling.

As I’ve shared my personal journey, I’ve tried to share the journey of others that I have met along the way.  I try to speak on their behalf and not speak for them, but that is really difficult.  As I’ve tried to relay what I’ve learned, it’s been in my voice.  It is so much better to hear it from the person who has experienced it themselves.  So I think this is the perfect time to hear from some other voices.  Voices that know first hand what it’s like to have a transgender child.  I have three amazing moms who have agreed to be a guest on my blog and share a part of their journey.  I know all of these moms personally.  I have witnessed some of their struggles first hand.  I’ve seen the pain of their children through their eyes.

I will be posting one story a week beginning next week and I will use the picture of my tree as the series picture since it is my symbol of this journey.  I’m excited for you to meet these moms through their written words.  It gives you a chance to step into their shoes.  To me, being willing to learn about another person’s story is an act of love.

And love matters…

 

I’m just a bill…

/ Lesa / 1 Comment

I think my feet must have magnets in them.  I can’t tell you how many times my family have stepped on the back of my feet…usually when I’m in flip-flops.  My husband and both of my kids are guilty.  It is extremely jarring when you are walking along and someone steps on your shoe and you keep going, but your foot doesn’t.  And when it comes to my toes…my dog Lucy is famous for stepping on them.  She may be little, but owie does it hurt!  Well today I’m going to do a different kind of toe stepping.

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image_b1cc3b4bI love this little guy.  I really do.  He brings up such fun memories from my childhood.  Good ole’ School House Rock (SHR).  Saturday morning cartoon time (yes that was the only time cartoons were on back in the day) was not complete without the songs from SHR.  I passed many a test while singing those informative songs in my head.

I’m just a bill.
Yes, I’m only a bill.
And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.
Well, it’s a long, long journey
To the capital city.
It’s a long, long wait
While I’m sitting in committee…

Well if you have been paying attention to the news lately, you know that there was a bill that was passed in North Carolina that didn’t have a long, long journey.  It was passed in 12 hours.  The media have been referring to it as the “religious freedom” bill and often call it the “anti-LGBT” bill.  Yes it does have some things in there that discriminate against the LGBT community…especially transgender individuals and bathrooms, but did you know it also has these items:

Section 143-422.3 eliminates wrongful termination on the basis of an employee’s skin color. Section 143-422.2 eliminates the existing law remedy that now protects – but will no longer – a Christian who has been terminated on the basis of religion. It also eliminates any state law claim for discrimination in the workplace on the basis of national origin or ethnicity.

I think people hear “religious freedom” and they jump on the bandwagon not even knowing what’s in the bill.  Especially since it is really talked about as an anti-LGBT bill.

Mississippi also recently passed a bill with a lot of the same language.  This new law states that it protects “sincerely held beliefs or moral convictions.”  This bill, however, has something in it that people may not realize it has until they go out to dinner.

Mississippi is one of the states that has a high rate of obesity so they added something to this bill to try to take care of the problem.  I guess you could say it’s the anti-gluttony bill.  Restaurants have the right to deny people service who are overweight. There are some restaurants that have gone as far as hiring extra hostesses (bouncers) that stop people from even entering the restaurant.  And if you happen to be on the cusp of what someone thinks is overweight, you are allowed in the restaurant, but you can order only from a special menu that they feel will help you with your weight loss.  Some restaurants have even gone as far as putting “no fat people allowed” in their windows.  And if you are overweight because of medical condition, be prepared to have medical records to prove it to be allowed into the restaurant.

Pastors who have supported this bill have been asked how they can be behind such a blatantly discriminatory bill.  They have answered with statements like, “Well we aren’t asking people to put a knife to their throat.  The Bible clearly states in Proverbs 23:2 that is what should be done when given to gluttony.”  And, “Gluttony is making your stomach a god as stated in Philippians 3:19  and that can be considered idolatry.  Your body is a holy temple and should be treated as such.” So far 40% of the restaurants in Mississippi have embraced this new bill and the governor is hoping for 100% by the end of the year.  When a Christian restaurant owner was asked why he supported the bill, he commented that he wanted to follow the truth of scripture and serving food to these people would be helping them give in to their evil desires.  “Clearly you can’t know what is in the Bible and be overweight AND Christian.”

So, who wants to take a trip to Mississippi with me?  How’s your blood pressure doing?  Are you thinking, “What the heck is wrong with people??”

Luckily this part of the Mississippi bill is not true.  I made it up.  It does discriminate against the LGBT community, but not overweight people.  Look at it as a parable if you will.  You might be thinking that this is comparing apples to oranges.  I respectfully disagree.  This is discrimination.  Period.  It doesn’t feel good and it’s ugly.

My son can be denied a job, housing, services, etc. because he is gay.
There are signs in stores across the country in store window fronts that say, “no gays allowed.”
I know of a boy whose pediatrician refused to continue seeing him when he told him he was gay.
I also know of someone who was beaten to the point of seizures in a bar and the police refused to file a police report.  The person was told to leave or they would be arrested.
I know of a transgender woman whose ID was checked by a police officer when coming out of a rest room in North Carolina.
And many times people have said to me that it’s impossible to be gay AND Christian.

I’ve heard people say, “Why can’t gay people just get over it already?”  If you lived in the conditions stated above, would you be able to just “get over it?”  People’s rights are being stripped away and it is wrong.  I just wonder how you would respond if you faced the same discrimination.  And by the way, these bills discriminate against just about everyone so the scenario in Mississippi isn’t too far fetched.

I felt really mean writing this post.  I don’t want anyone to think that I am judging them.  I think maybe God placed it on my heart in this way because He is just tired of His babies jumping off of overpasses into oncoming traffic, stepping in front of tractor trailers, shooting themselves in the head, overdosing on drugs…because society doesn’t understand what they are doing to them.  And quite frankly I’m sick of it too.

Was Jesus all about religious freedom?  Were his disciples?

I know one thing…Jesus was all about love…because love matters.

 

 

You are not a mistake…

/ Lesa / 8 Comments

I am the oldest granddaughter on my mom’s side of the family.  This was a bonus for my aunts and uncles as they had a built-in babysitter right in the family.  AND we all lived in the same neighborhood so they didn’t even have to come and get me…I could walk to their houses.  One aunt in particular really had it made because there were times I would spend the night and get up with my cousins the next morning and fix them breakfast.  It wasn’t until I became a parent that I realized that they had struck gold with me (smile).

One of the funny things about kids is how they think about time and growing up.  My sister would always tell me what she would do when she was the older sister and I was the younger one.  When my younger cousins would misbehave and I would take a toy away from them or reprimand them in some way, they would remind me that one day when they were big and I was little that they would do the same to me.  Their little minds didn’t understand that the roles would not be reversed.  They just thought that since I was bigger and they were little…one day they would be the bigger one…that’s only fair…right?

Kids definitely process information differently than we do.  So if your child comes to you and says, “Mommy, when will I be a girl?” and they are a boy…what do you do?  Yesterday was Transgender Day of Visibility and there was a lot of buzz on social media about it.  Some good and some not so good.  Now I am not an expert on this topic, but I do know some transgender people now, and I know several moms of transgender children.  It is not an easy road to put it mildly.  How do you know if it’s a phase that your child is going through…or just one of those crazy ideas that kids get like when they think that one day you will be the child and they will be the parent?

The simple answer to that question is that they don’t give up.  They keep insisting that they are supposed to be the opposite sex of what their bodies represent.  It’s more than a phase.  Children from families of faith report to their parents that they ask God every night to make them the opposite sex.  They are so disappointed when they wake up the next day and nothing has changed.  I’ve even come across stories of children that wanted to cut off parts of their bodies that cause them distress.  It can be dangerous.  So since there was such a flurry of social media activity yesterday, I thought I would share some common questions/comments that I hear:

*Shouldn’t parents just leave well enough alone?  Maybe their child will grow out of it. – I haven’t met one transgender person or parent who went into this lightly.  You are talking about the symbolic death of one child and the rebirth of another. It’s not easy.  There is A LOT of counseling that takes place, medical doctor visits, etc. before any kind of transition takes place.

*Shouldn’t you wait until the child is an adult to decide anything? – Again, lots of medical advice goes into any decisions that are made.  Sometimes these changes are a matter of life and death as the child doesn’t want to live in the wrong body any longer.  41% of trans people have attempted suicide.

*What’s the big deal about the bathroom situation any way?  Can’t they just use the one they were born to use?

If you are a male, what would you think if these ladies walked into the men’s room?

It would be humiliating to them if they had to use the restroom that the law in many states says that they have to use.  They don’t look like the sex that is listed on their birth certificates.  And I think the people in the restrooms might be a little uncomfortable as well.  It can also be very dangerous for the transgender women.  I believe this is one of the dangers of the bills that are being passed that discriminate against LGBT individuals.  When people begin to think it’s ok that they don’t have rights, they tend to think of them as less than human beings and violence becomes common.

*Aren’t they just doing this for attention? – I have a hard time not responding, “Are you kidding me?” to this question.   I can’t even begin to describe how much they go through and how much their families go through.  No one would do this lightly. No one would make it up.  And for many it’s very dangerous.  Do you know that the life expectancy for African-American transgender women is 35 years old.  35!  Why?  Because they are murdered at an alarming rate…so no…no one is doing this for attention.

And the most common question/comment:

*Aren’t these people saying that God made a mistake when He made them by trying to change themselves? – I have an auto immune disease…did God make a mistake when He made me?  Some people are born with an extra chromosome…did God make a mistake when He made them?  Nick Vujicic was born without arms and legs…did God make a mistake when He made him?  Can we just agree that sometimes people are born with things that we don’t understand?  I don’t see any of these people as a mistake and neither does God.

I’m glad people are asking questions.  I don’t have all the answers…I’m just trying to shed a little bit of light on a difficult topic.  I went to a conference this week on how to help people through trauma.  They talked about how to help the person who experienced the trauma, and how to help yourself after helping the person (self-care).  A common thread through the day was love.  Loving others and loving yourself…and how damaging it can be if people don’t receive love.  So, don’t fear what you don’t understand.  Educate yourself so that you can be loving to ALL people.

Because love matters…

psalm_139_1516