If you have kids, or nieces and nephews, did you ever badger them with question after question when they were younger to marvel at the progression of their little brains? What does a cow say? What does a duck say? What color is this crayon? What color is your hair? Where’s your nose? How old are you? What’s your name? The list goes on and on and you can 
tell when they get just a little more than perturbed at answering all of your questions. The question I think kids hear the most though is this: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Some kids know right away…for others it takes a bit longer to figure out. Heck…I’m still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up (smile).
Have you ever known a kid that was really talented at a sport? Someone that everyone keeps their eye on because they just know they are going to be 
something great when they get older. Their parents dream of college scholarships and before they know it scouts are checking them out. They get to college, they are playing great, their future looks bright, their dreams of playing professionally are within their grasp and then it happens. An accident. Whether on or off the field…it doesn’t matter…the dream they’ve had since they were a little kid is done. There’s no chance of them grasping it now. The future they always dreamed of looks very different now, and they are faced with coming up with another plan.
I read a post recently that stated the following:
“We are told we don’t accept LGBTQ people for “who they are” when they can’t accept themselves for who they are.”
There is some truth to that for many, but I believe that is grossly simplifying things. Many LGBTQ individuals discover they are LGBTQ when they are a child. It ranges anywhere from very young to the teen years. It is rare that a person doesn’t realize it until they are an adult. I won’t say it never happens, but it’s not the norm. I’m sure it was years ago when it wasn’t talked about, but today kids are coming out…well when they are kids.
Since I know others have had this thought, here are some things that I’ve learned and even witnessed in many cases on this journey…
As I’ve already mentioned, we are talking about children. Can you imagine processing being LGBTQ as a child? Hang around some middle or high school kids for a day and it doesn’t take long to realize that gay kids are made fun of and bullied. When a child realizes they are gay (using the term gay to make it easier), it is terrifying to think that they will be treated that way. They hear gay people called pedophiles, gross, disgusting, etc. Hiding who you are is exhausting and stress inducing. Try processing all of that as a child.
The other thing that they deal with is the fact that their future now suddenly looks very different. The little girls that dreamed of growing up and marrying their “knight in shining armor” now realize that this isn’t going to happen. They wonder if they will ever find love now. And remember…this is a child processing this. The future they dreamed about suddenly is different. It takes time to envision and adjust to this new future. When I asked my son about this, he said that it would have been helpful to him to have some examples in media of gay people being in love. It would have helped him realize that love was a possibility for him too. When they begin to go through this, many feel like they are the only ones in the world going through it.
If they grew up in the church, this adds another tension to the mix. When some evangelists call them “a plague on the nation”, an abomination, that they are destroying family values, they are sick, demon possessed, etc., this is a heavy load to carry as a child. It’s hard enough as an adult. Sadly sometimes the advice parents are given by their child’s youth leader is to ground them, beat them, put them in counseling and seek out conversion therapy, home school them, pull them out of youth group, and if none of that works….kick them out of the house.
Sadly there are parents out there that are listening to this. Punishment and beating your child is not going to change anything about their sexual orientation. It’s going to create a child that develops self-hatred. Conversion therapy has been proven not to work and has been outlawed in several states because it is harmful. Let’s take them out of youth group and leave them isolated without any friends when they need them and God the most. Kick them out of the house. Is there any wonder why a child would have trouble accepting themselves??
Listen…I know this example is pretty extreme, but it doesn’t have to be this extreme to do damage. People get upset with me for bringing this up. I know that not all Christians are like this. My Christian friends find this behavior appalling. And there are affirming churches out there, but the fact of the matter is that it is happening, more than we would like to believe because it seems so unbelievable. Just because we ourselves are not doing it, or the people we know are not doing it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. There are pastors calling for the murder of LGBTQ people for goodness sake. These are the kinds of things that bring that lack of self acceptance and depending on the damage done…it goes with them into adulthood.
These are some reasons that make it difficult to come to terms with being LGBTQ. I am filled with compassion when I think of what these young people go through. I hope you are too.
You know what kids want to be when they grow up?
LOVED. And I bet you do too.
The only downside to the drums was the fact that it made it hard to hear people calling out for mom hugs. I had my sign again and unlike the march where I marched along with everyone else…I was in the parade and there were spectators on each side of the parade route watching us. People would see my sign and call out asking for a hug. One of our PFLAG moms was gracious in helping me keep track of everyone that was calling out. It was a special time and although it was hot and tough moving so slowly, it allowed for lots of hugging.
Mike and I went on a bus with 32 other people who were marching either for themselves or for a family member. We knew only a few people, but that didn’t matter. Really we are a family.
the heat of the sun (man was it HOT) with thousands of other people as we waited for the march to start. You know how cars are bumper to bumper in a traffic jam? Well we were shoulder to shoulder. It was difficult to move at times. We had to wait for quite some time before the march started. Someone would periodically blow a whistle and the crowd would roar with cheers. We were ready. In the crowd, I saw anger, hurt, resolve, determination. Tears flowed as the crowd united for the task at hand.
There were lots of messages displayed on shirts that people were wearing and signs that people were carrying. Many of these signs portrayed people’s frustration with the president. Some signs depicted reasons why that person was marching…either an actual person like their child, or a policy that they felt needed to change. People marched for themselves, they marched for family members or friends, they marched for those who couldn’t march for themselves like the 49 victims of the Pulse shootings.
because I think things need to change. There is too much discrimination and violence towards this community. I did it in a respectful way. I was a presence so that this community knows that someone cares. The following is an Instagram post by one of the young teens that were with us that day. This…this is why I was there…
When I was 15 years old, I was hanging out with some of my friends. We were outside of my friend’s house when her neighbor came pulling out of his driveway with his German Shepherd tied up in the back of his pickup truck. The guys we were with teased the dog. Not physically…but they were barking at it and yelling at it…being obnoxious boys basically. You could tell it agitated the dog. It was a short errand and we were still out front when he came back. The boys again did their best to aggravate the dog. We told them to stop, but they didn’t. When the owner put the dog in the backyard, he didn’t realize that the gate wasn’t completely latched. He went in the house, and the dog came tearing around to the front. There was a block retaining wall that everyone jumped up on to get away from the dog…except for me. Being vertically challenged…I couldn’t physically get up there. And although I wasn’t mean to the dog, he took his aggression out on me. I didn’t run because I knew he would only chase me. He jumped up on his hind legs and put his front paws on my shoulders. Yes the dog was as tall as me. I tried to push him off of me and that’s when he grabbed my right arm. Have you ever seen one of those police videos where they show someone with protective gear getting attacked by the police dog? Well that was me…except no protective gear. My friends were yelling for the dog to get off of me, but he was shaking my arm like I was a rag doll. The owner heard the commotion and came running out the front door calling for the dog. It wasn’t listening. As much as I hated to do it, because I would never intentionally hurt an animal, I punched the dog in the face. That got him to stop long enough to hear his owner calling him and he went running to him. The owner came out to check on me. I had a wind breaker on and it wasn’t ripped so he thought the dog must not have bitten me very badly. The weird thing is that when I got home and took my jacket off, my shirt underneath was ripped. You could see the imprint of the dogs teeth on my arm. His whole mouth. There was some blood and lots of bruising and the next day my arm was swollen as all get out.
Roasted hot dogs and of course smores were on the menu. You can see how happy McKensie is with her marshmallows. Now look at Kyle’s face. Can you see it? When I look at this picture, the pain I see is palpable. It crushes me. And it brings me back to the fear and desperation I felt. This was taken 3 months after we learned he was gay, and just four months before he landed in the hospital for suicidal thoughts.
Love Matters 