LGBTQ

What would you do?

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

There is a television show that I absolutely love called “What would you do?” Each week they have actors portray different situations where someone is either doing something wrong, putting someone in potential danger, or being a bully in some way. The goal is to see if anyone steps in and says something. Their tagline is “What would you do when you think no one is watching?” It can really point out our prejudices. For instance, if they are doing a scenario with a parent and child they may start with a mother and child to see who responds and then change to a father and child doing the same thing to see if it solicits a different response. They do the same thing with race and the sex of the actors. They will switch things up to see if it makes a difference. It is so refreshing to see people standing up for what is right and good. Every single episode brings me to tears. Watch it…it will restore your hope in humanity.

I like that the show makes you think about what you would do if you were in the same situation. It opens us up to think about what a person may be feeling or experiencing. I feel that we are really lacking that in our society today. People are so quick to judge many times without having any knowledge of the person they are judging (like seeing a post from a stranger on the internet). I’ve seen such disdain towards people that are complete strangers because of assumptions made, or just downright ignorance on a topic.

Something that seems to elicit this type of response lately is the topic of transgender people. It’s no wonder given that the President has signed executive orders that are literally erasing them. That seems to embolden others to act poorly. People seem to think that being transgender is something new when in fact transgender people date back to ancient civilizations. The difference is that we talk about it today. And this is so important. I think about the young adults that I met on this journey who for years knew something was different about themselves, but didn’t know how to explain it. They suffered. They were so relieved when they learned there was a word that explained who they were and what they were feeling.

This post has taken twists and turns. The rhetoric that has been used against transgender people has been so damaging. My head is spinning from the amount of bills being written against them in different states. I was going to go into all of that, but instead I decided I would just ask…

What would YOU do?

If your little boy came to you and told you he was really a girl. Or if your little girl came to you and told you that she was really a boy. Perhaps you would explain to your little boy that he had different body parts than little girls so it proved that he was a boy. What if in his mind the solution was to get rid of that body part? I know a family that went through this. Their son was 4 years old and was caught (just in the nick of time) with a pair of scissors ready to take matters into his own hands not understanding the repercussions of his actions.

What would YOU do?

If your little girl decided that she could no longer be here on this earth because you weren’t listening to her telling you that she was really a boy, and her solution was to jump out of her bedroom window. Again, another family that I know that was there at just the right time to stop her.

What would YOU do?

If your little boy decided to open the car window while driving down a highway at 65 miles per hour to jump out because you didn’t listen to his pleas to be a girl.

What would YOU do?

If your child’s kindergarten teacher called you, informing you that when she asked the class to line up with girls on one side and boys on the other your little girl always lined up with the boys. When the teacher explained that she needed to line up on the girl’s side, she insisted that she was a boy.

Perhaps you would think that this is some sort of phase that your child is going through. You kind of ignore it and hope that it goes away. When they were persistent, perhaps you would take your child to their pediatrician. Maybe therapy would be recommended so you take your child to a counselor. This is what the families that I know have done. I can tell you that decisions are not made lightly as some would like you to believe.

What would YOU do?

If you were an adult and felt like you were in the wrong body. You are finally brave enough to tell your pastor what you are feeling, and you go through dozens of exorcisms because he tells you that a demon is living in your body. Can you imagine what that might do to your psyche??

What would YOU do?

If you were a man that felt like a woman your whole life. In your 40’s, your appendix needs to come out and the surgeon discovers female reproductive organs inside your body.

This last scenario brings us to the topic of intersex people. Hang tight…I’m about to get sciencey on you. (not a word, but it is now) (smile)

Here’s a breakdown of some of the intersex variations (there are over 30):

Chromosomal Variations:

Klinefelter syndrome (47,XXY): Individuals have an extra X chromosome, affecting physical and hormonal development. 

Turner syndrome (45,X): Individuals are born with a missing or partially missing X chromosome, impacting growth and reproductive function. 

Mixed gonadal dysgenesis: A condition characterized by a unilateral streak gonad, persistent mullerian duct structures and ambiguous genitalia. 

Gonadal Variations:

Congenial Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH): A group of inherited conditions affecting hormone production in the adrenal glands, potentially leading to ambiguous genitalia. 

Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS): A condition where the body does not respond to androgens, leading to atypical development of external genitalia. 

Other Variations:

Hypospadias: A condition where the urethra opens on the underside of the penis. 

Clitoromegaly: A condition where the clitoris is larger than what society considers to be typical. 

Progestin-Induced Virilization: A condition caused by exposure to exogenous androgens, most commonly progestin, during pregnancy. 

5-alpha-reductase Deficiency: A condition where the body cannot convert testosterone to dihydrotestosterone, which is necessary for the development of male genitalia. 

Now I am not saying that trans people are intersex. I do, however, know some intersex people that consider themselves to be trans. My reason for sharing is to point out that gender is on a spectrum. It isn’t as black and white as people believe. It used to be that if a baby was born with both a penis and a vagina (intersex), the penis would be measured. The doctor would operate and make the baby the gender that was more dominant (the penis would have to be a specific size to be made male and if it wasn’t then the doctor would remove it, and the baby would be female). They stopped doing this because they found that it didn’t always work out. The person would identify with the gender that was taken away from them. They learned to wait until the person told them their gender because in simple terms our gender is determined by our brains. I could get very sciencey here as well, but I won’t (smile). This is why children can say very early on that they are a different gender. Kids don’t know about body parts. They just know what their brains are telling them.

You may be wondering if transgender people have been here since the beginning of time, why is it such a big deal now. Well…we’ve made it a big deal. If you think back to civilizations before us, there were times when men wore makeup. And if you look at the way men dressed…well Jesus didn’t wear pants…just saying. Through the years and generations, our ideas of gender have gotten more rigid. Unfortunately, as I’ve said before in previous posts, it seems that politicians can’t seem to run campaigns on their own merit. Instead, they need to make something seem threatening and then come up with a solution to rid us of that threat. Transgender people have been put in their crosshairs.

Nothing exposes this problem more than my dear friend’s trans daughter’s experience. My heart absolutely breaks for the amount of hate that this girl has received. She has been bullied online with the most horrendous and vile words being spewed at her. It has gotten so bad that a group that she recently joined has had to hire security to protect her at their events due to the death threats that she receives. Let that sink in. How would you feel if that was your child?

I still have a lot to learn and I will continue to do so. My hope is that I gave you some food for thought. I’m not being dramatic when I say that lives are at stake. So having this bit of information now, if you see something hateful towards this community…

What will YOU do?

(if you would like to hear from actual families that have been on this journey, hop over to my archives page and look for my posts titled “The Voice of a Mom”) (and another note since people tell me I’m listening to fake news…I’ve met the people in this post)

Compassion muscles…

/ Lesa / 2 Comments

If you have been a follower for some time, you know that I lost my mom suddenly when I was 28 years old (story here). At the time, I only knew of one other person who had lost a parent. It was a lonely experience. A few years later, my great aunt passed away. I remember my cousin reaching out and apologizing to me. I couldn’t understand why she was doing that. She explained that she knew it was hard when I lost my mom, but until she experienced it personally, she had no idea how hard it was for me.

There is something about sharing an experience. You can try to put yourself in someone’s shoes…but until you experience it yourself…you really can’t relate the same way as you can once you’ve lived it. I’m not saying that you can’t be helpful or supportive to someone. I’m not saying you can’t have compassion for them, or that your presence can’t be a comfort if you’ve never experienced the same thing. Not all of us will go through the same life experiences. But if you do go through something and find someone who shares that same experience, it’s like you have your own personal language regarding it.

As nice as it is to have someone who has a shared experience with you, it is quite frustrating to have someone speak into something with authority that they haven’t experienced themselves. I see this all the time in posts on social media. People will either post offensive memes or stories that are riddled with untruths, or they tear people apart in the comment sections. The topic is usually about the LGBTQ+ community…specifically transgender people. Parents are called child abusers, transgender people themselves are threatened with physical harm (or even death), and over and over again I see insults. I’ve talked about this before…the number one thing I see people say regarding transgender people, however, is God doesn’t make mistakes. Usually this statement is made in reference to people taking hormones or having surgery to change their bodies.

The message is “you can’t be transgender” because God doesn’t make mistakes. They then go on to explain about how what the person is feeling isn’t real. They believe that parents are pressuring their children to change genders. As I have said so many times before, when someone pushes back on their comments it is clear that they have no clue about what it means to be transgender. They have very strong opinions based on things that many times aren’t true.

I have worn glasses (and when I got old enough contacts) since I was four years old. My eyesight is bad. Is it wrong of me to wear those glasses to correct my vision? Should I live almost legally blind because God doesn’t make mistakes? If He doesn’t make mistakes, then my vision is what it is and I should live with it. My dad is almost completely deaf. He started losing his hearing when he was 35 years old. It is something that runs in my family. For many years, he did not get it checked and I learned to talk very slowly and loudly. He finally got a hearing aid when I was a teenager. It was as if a whole new world opened up to him. I remember him jumping when my mom stirred her coffee one morning. The clinking of the spoon against the mug startled him because he had never heard it before. Should my dad have refused to get a hearing aid because God doesn’t make mistakes? If He doesn’t make mistakes, then my dad should have just dealt with not being able to hear. Or…should we instead look at these instances and thank God for the doctors who He gifted in these areas to help people like us?

What about all of the things that we change about ourselves? I know not everyone does these things, but enough people do that I think we should take a look at them. I am guilty of the first one.

Many people choose to change their hair color. They may do it for something different (maybe brunettes really want to find out if blondes have more fun – smile). They may, like in my case, want to cover up gray hair. Then there are the hair extensions that are very popular right now. Some people wear them because they have bare spots due to hair thinning. Other people wear them because they simply want longer hair.

How about fake eyelashes? Should those people be satisfied with the lashes that God gave them?

What about the body builders that take steroids to increase their muscle mass? Our bodies can produce muscle when we work at it…shouldn’t the body builders use what God gave them to do that instead of using enhancements?

Some people get Botox injections to stave off wrinkles. God designed us to age. Should we be messing with that progression?

There’s a little blue pill that some men use to be able to have sex in their later years. I’m sure they are very thankful for the scientists who discovered it, but if your body can no longer do that, isn’t that God’s way of saying you are done?

And how about the world of plastic surgery? Breast implants. Butt implants. Liposuction. What about the make-up we wear to cover our flaws or enhance our beauty? Colored contacts. The list goes on.

All of these things are personal decisions that people have made regarding their bodies. I don’t mention these things to judge. I’m hoping that I’m giving you something to think about. I know it is difficult to understand what it means to be transgender if you’ve never known someone who is transgender. Just like the people who have chosen to do the things I’ve listed above, transgender people may make decisions about their bodies. They may take hormones, they may decide to have surgery, or they may choose to do nothing. Here’s the thing in all of the circumstances (for both cis gender people and transgender people)…it’s nobody’s business!

I know some who read this will think it’s a much bigger deal to change your body to reflect a gender in comparison to some of the things I’ve mentioned. I can tell you that if someone makes that decision it isn’t one that’s made overnight or without lots of medical care. What I have seen is that many times it’s a matter of life or death. It’s a hard thing to understand. I certainly didn’t understand at first, and I still have lots to learn. We need to open our eyes, minds, and hearts to the suffering that is happening. We need to exercise our compassion muscles.

God indeed does not make mistakes. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And you are loved.

Because love matters…

That’s a wrap…

/ Lesa / 8 Comments

Where do I even begin?  How can I put so many emotions into words?  I’m not sure that I can do it.  At the very least, I can let you know why I’ve been silent for a few months.

If you’ve been a follower for some time, you know that I’ve gone to Baltimore Pride the last 3 years and have given out mom hugs.  When I did it in 2018, I knew that something bigger was brewing.  I wasn’t able to share it then and honestly it’s been such a whirlwind I’m not even sure if I mentioned it here when I could (smile).

In October 2018, I started an official Free Mom Hugs Maryland chapter.  Free Mom Hugs is a non-profit that was started in Oklahoma and it became so popular that state chapters began to form.  I got permission to start the Maryland chapter.  Boy what a ride that has been!  For our first year, we attended 10 Pride events throughout Maryland (in just a month and a half!).  We had 406 volunteers that marched in parades, gave out information at our table, and of course gave hugs.  It’s been amazing!  Our last event was on Sunday.  I’ve been one tired mama ever since!

Some of my takeaways…

I hugged way too many people who told me their mom or parents don’t accept them because they are religious.

I had several young people approach my table tentatively.  The first thing they asked was, “Is this a religious organization?”  When I said no, they hugged me…hard.  When I told them that there were moms who were Christians, but they were affirming, they hugged me again.  And thanked me over and over again.

It’s interesting how things work out.  So many of the people who approach me have lost their mom.  Some have had supportive moms and miss their only cheerleaders, and some were never able to reconcile their relationships.  Maybe they sense that I know what it’s like to have lost a mom.  Then there was the event where a mom, who just a year ago could not accept that she had a gay child because of her faith, came out to volunteer because she became affirming and wanted to help out. She had a young lady…I would say early 20’s…approach her and when she hugged her the girl just sobbed….for what seemed like forever.  She couldn’t even speak.  Her friends told us that this girl’s mom tells her every day that she is going to hell.  She got several hugs that day.  As she walked away, my co-leader and I looked at each other…we just grabbed each other and hugged and cried.  We just can’t wrap our brains around how any parent can do that to their child.  Just thinking about it brings those tears back.

We don’t just have moms at our events.  We have dads that hug too!  There was a dad that joined us this past Saturday.  It was the first time he’d ever come to a pride event and therefore the first time he ever offered hugs.  Every time he tried to thank me for allowing him to participate he got emotional and couldn’t speak.  He knew that kids were rejected, but he had no idea the scope of what that looks like.  He said he would be at lots of events next year to let these kids/adults know that they are loved.

Due to the protesters at the last two events, I can assure you that there are dozens of young people that will never step foot into a church.  It will be a miracle if they ever give God a chance.  The protesters (some of them middle school aged children) held signs that had to do with God and faith and how they needed to repent and change.  They weren’t the worst signs I’ve ever seen, but the damage was the same.   At each event, there was a man with a speaker that read Bible passages and told the crowd how God’s love was conditional and if they didn’t change they were going to hell.  At one of the events, myself and two other moms stood at the barrier that was placed between the protesters and the entrance to the event.  We tried our best to block them and give hugs to the hurting people who had to pass them to get into the event.  We stood there for hours.  There was a young man who was there the entire time yelling at the protesters to the point where he lost his voice.  We tried to get the kids to ignore them and go have fun, but you could tell they just wanted to be heard.  There was a young girl who stood in front of one of the men.  He was talking to her and she stood there for about 15 minutes and listened to him.  She was very respectful (I will admit that not everyone was).  When he was finished, she tried to speak and he shut her down.  She came to us in tears.  She told us that she always listens to what they have to say, but they never want to hear her side of things.

Standing there was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I kept my back to them and faced the crowd to let them know I was there to support them.  It took every ounce of self control I could muster to not say something to those men.  I knew without a doubt that it would not have made one iota of difference.  It makes me not want to associate with anything Christian.  I struggle with that a lot because of the pain and damage I see done in the name of God.

Pride events are supposed to be safe spaces.

I think the faces of the people I hugged this year (and every year for that matter) will be imprinted on my mind and heart forever.  I am humbled that I am allowed into this sacred space.  The pain I feel radiate off of these precious humans is palpable.  My hope is for that brief moment they can feel that they are loved just as they are without conditions or strings attached.

At the events, we have a board where we post notes of affirmation.  People are encouraged to take a note that speaks to them.  They are also encouraged to leave a note for someone else.   This note was left by a gay man who lost his mom recently.  She was supportive and he appreciated that we were at the event.  If you would like to get involved with a group by you, go to Facebook and do a search for Free Mom Hugs – with your state name.  Or you can go to the Free Mom Hugs website that I linked above and search for a chapter near you.

Sometimes the simplest act can have a lasting impact.

These events are a reminder to me that love matters more than ever.  Be that love to someone.

Friend or foe…

/ Lesa / 10 Comments

I got the sad news recently that a classmate passed away last month.  We went to middle school together.  We had reconnected three years ago at Mike’s 30th high school reunion because they also went to school together.  We became Facebook friends and caught up via social media.  He got cancer about a year after the reunion.  He left behind a wife and young daughter.  He sure did love his girls.

I was going through my messages yesterday and saw a private message from him on FB that I had saved.  In the message, he asked if I had a gay child or a close loved one that was gay.  He knew something was up from my posts on social media.  I told him my son was gay and shared a little bit about our journey.  He shared that he was an ally.  He actually owned a barber shop and told me that they were LGBTQ friendly and actually helped transgender people with their transitions.  It was so sweet.  I saved it so I could refer people to his shop.

Sometimes you find allies in the least expected ways or places.  Looking back at our time together in school, I would have never guessed he would become an ally.  In fairness, my memories of him were of being a bit of a trouble maker in school.  Not in a mean way…but he tended to be mischievous.  You kind of forget that people grow up and mature (smile).  It is also equally surprising where you find opposition.

Being harassed at work seems to be a theme lately.  I know a young man down in Florida who was treated poorly by a customer he was helping.  She had overheard he and a co-worker talking about their significant others.  He mentioned the name of who he was dating.  His love interest has a name that could be male or female so the customer asked him if this person was a boy or a girl.  He replied boy and she proceeded to tell him that he was going to hell and she did not want him to ring her up.  She got the manager involved and caused a scene right in front of this young man.  Luckily his manager told the customer that they don’t discriminate at their store.

I know another young man who was loudly shamed at his place of employment by a customer.  In this case, however, the manager did not stand up for him.  Things became so miserable for him there that eventually he quit.  These are both disturbing incidents, but I think the most disturbing is from a friend who lives in Virginia.  Her daughter has been harassed at work by former church members.  They come into the store and ask her how her walk with the Lord is going and then proceed to tell her that she is going to hell.  While she is at work!  She has come home more than once in tears.

What makes someone think it is ok to talk to a child this way?  How is that Christlike?  It isn’t.  And people wonder why the LGBTQ community is angry at the church…why many have stepped away?  It’s no mystery to me.  Did God really task them with being judge and jury?  And where does it stop…just with the LGBTQ community?

I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager and young adult it took me time to develop confidence in myself.  Those first jobs were nerve-wracking.  I can’t imagine having someone confront me in this way while I was at work.  It is wrong on so many levels.  It is disturbing and shameful.

This is one of the reasons that allies are important.  Thank you to those of you who have searched God.  Done your own research.  Realized that many are going about things the wrong way.  Your kindness…your love…could literally save a life.

And I hope if you ever encounter one of these horrific scenes in person, you will stand up for the person being shamed.  Show them that not everyone is like that.  Show them some love….because love matters.

 

Expecting the unexpected…

/ Lesa / 4 Comments

It’s been a while since I’ve been here.  As I mentioned last year, I left my admin job at my church. The young gal who took my place had a baby in October so I’ve been filling in and will be there until early January.  That’s part of the reason why I’ve been extra busy lately.  It seems like there have been lots of babies born or announcements of babies coming next year.  It brings back so many memories of when I was expecting.  I heard SO MANY stories…some good and some horrific…to the point where I was afraid to give birth (smile).

When I was pregnant with my son, my go to book was “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”  Not sure if that book is still around, but it was chock full of information from the day you found out you were expecting until you gave birth.  But I have to say…no person and no book can really prepare you for what’s to come.  You realize that you are going to be sleep deprived.  You realize that your time is not going to be your own any longer.  You realize that you are going to love your child.  But there really isn’t any amount of preparation that can truly get you ready.  Mainly because every body and every baby is unique.

I had no idea that my baby boy would be so stubborn about being born.  I didn’t know that I was going to have to be induced…twice.  I didn’t know that my labor was going to take 22 hours…that I would push for 4 of those hours.  I didn’t know that the doctor would have several young residents in the delivery room showing them how to deliver a baby with forceps.  I didn’t know that my little baby boy would have colic so bad that he would cry for hours on most days.  I felt so helpless and many days cried along with him as I paced the floors with him.  I didn’t know what tired was until I had my baby boy.  I didn’t know that I would feel the intense protective feelings that I had for him.  I didn’t know that I could love someone with such fierceness.  It’s a different kind of love.

No amount of reading, video watching, or people talking prepared me for what it was like to be a mom.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t do all of those things because it is helpful.  Just expect the unexpected along the way.

I can tell you that I never expected the journey that I’ve been on once that little baby boy got to adolescence.  Talk about being unprepared!  I’ve shared the beginning of that journey with you already, but there is a part of that journey that I haven’t shared.  My husband and I didn’t know what to do with the information we learned about our son.  We wanted to help him because it was so obvious that he was in desperate need of help.  So we read books, and visited websites, and talked to elders in the Christian faith.  The thing that was recommended over and over again is what we later learned to be called conversion therapy (or reparative therapy).  A simple definition of it is this:

Conversion therapy is the pseudoscientific practice of trying to change an individual’s sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual using psychological or spiritual interventions.

Specifically what was recommended to us was an organization called Exodus International:

Exodus International was a non-profit, interdenominational ex-gay Christian umbrella organization connecting organizations that sought to “help people who wished to limit their homosexual desires”. It was founded in 1976 and ceased activities in June 2013.

Remember the feelings of protecting my child I mentioned earlier?  Well I was willing to do whatever it took to help him change… because that had been his prayer for years.  I’ve mentioned before that I never thought being gay was a choice.  I had known too many gay people along the way to hold that belief.  I did, however, think that something happened along the way to cause them to be gay.  The problem was that I had been wracking my brain for how this happened to my son and I was coming up empty.  So some help from an organization that dealt with this issue seemed reasonable.  My husband spoke to someone from Exodus for several hours one evening.  He relayed the conversation to me and something in our spirit told us this was not the route we should take with our son.

This type of therapy comes in many different forms.  It wasn’t until years later when I actually met people who had been through conversion therapy that I realized the disaster we had avoided.

I know a young man who went to his pastor and told him of his same-sex attractions.  His pastor told him to attend a meeting at his church.  Here he met other men from his congregation that struggled…with pornography.  He was confused because he didn’t struggle with pornography.  It wasn’t helpful to him at all.  He was told that his “sexual sin” would be cured if he would just marry a woman.  “Fake to you make it” school of thought.  So, he started dating a young lady from his church and they did get married.  He stayed in the marriage for several years until he just couldn’t take it any longer.  He loved his wife…but not in the way a wife should be loved.  She was more of a friend.  He had zero sexual desire for her.  She was devastated when he asked for a divorce.  It wasn’t easy on him either.  He felt terrible hurting her.  Yet his church is what got him into this mess.  It’s what his pastor recommended he do.  When he went to his pastor to let him know he could no longer pretend, he was promptly told he could no longer worship there.

I know a woman who went to counseling for same-sex attraction and gender confusion.  This was many years ago.  The solution they had for her was shock therapy.  Imagine signing up for that!  Yet she did.  She was desperate to change and her prayers weren’t working so she didn’t know what else to do.  She trusted the therapist.  I forget how long she subjected herself to the therapy, but it didn’t work.  It took her decades to step into another therapist office.  She was terrified.  But hiding her identity was killing her, so she felt like she had no choice.  Thankfully she got one that knew conversion therapy is harmful and she is doing much better today trying to live out her last years as her authentic self.  She is in her sixties.

I know of another person that went through 30 exorcisms to not be gay.  30.

If you look, you will find very severe cases of conversion therapy and then some that seem less harmful.  They are all harmful.  It has been proven to not work.  Yet this practice is still legal in many states…even for minors.  Alan Chambers, one of the leaders of Exodus International issued this apology when they closed their doors.

Last month, I went to see the movie Boy Erased based on the book by the same name written by Garrard Conley.  I found myself holding my breath as I watched knowing that we came so close to exposing our son to this kind of treatment.  The program was called “Love In Action.”  Sounds good right?  It wasn’t.  I’ve read articles whose authors say that the movie took liberties and it was over-dramatic.  In an interview, Garrard tells the audience that they left things out because they didn’t think people would believe it.  In fact, he said the scene where his mom comes to take him out of the program was much more dramatic in real life.  In the movie, his mom played by Nicole Kidman, says, “A mother knows when something isn’t right.”  I totally agree with that statement.  It was an informative movie.  It was hard to watch, but I think it’s important for the information to be out there.

The critics say that there are people who have changed.  I say check with them several years from now.  Alan Chambers from Exodus admits that he still has same-sex attractions even though he is married to a woman.  And John Smid, the leader of Love in Action, left the program and married a man.  Mel White, the author of “Stranger at the Gate,” was married to a woman for 25 years.  He was counseled, exorcised, electric shocked, prayed for, and nearly driven to suicide trying to be straight.

Praying the gay away looks good on paper.  It seems simple.  Love God, believe that He can guide you, have faith that He can change you and you are good to go.  Follow these steps and you will be on the path to happiness.  What works on paper or in theory doesn’t always translate to an expected outcome.  Sometimes we are faced with the unexpected.  Like when a person embraces how God made them to be and the bad fruit is cleared away and good fruit sprouts and grows.

There really is SO much to this topic.  Even I don’t completely understand it because I have never been through it.  I can tell you that I’ve seen first hand the damage that it has done.  I’ve seen people try their best to do what was expected of them and it brought them nothing but pain and almost (and in some cases did) destroy their relationships with God and their families.  Let’s let God be God and not assume we know His plan.  Let’s expect the unexpected.  And let’s love with an expectation that it will heal those who have been hurt.

Because love matters…