Did you ever have rituals at bedtime as a kid? You know, the kind that you felt kept the scary monsters away?
For me it was the running, flying, leap into bed. Somehow I thought if my feet didn’t come near the floor of my bed, the scary monsters underneath of it couldn’t get me. I also thought if I kept completely covered by my blankets (just my head sticking out), they wouldn’t be able to see me and if they couldn’t see me, they couldn’t get me. When I was really little, I watched the Wizard of Oz and those darn monkeys scared the heck out of me. My mom had to create what she called “monkey spray” to spray away all the monkeys so they wouldn’t get me while I slept. It’s funny how kids minds work.
I was reminded of these things yesterday. The things that scared me as a kid…and the things that scare me today. And yesterday was a pretty scary day. I went to church like I do every Sunday. Only this particular Sunday was the first Sunday after my blog went public. The proverbial cat was out of the bag. Now I know my entire church has not read my blog… I have no idea who has read it really. But since I posted it on FaceBook I know that some people from church have seen it. So, to walk into church was a little scary. I know how some people feel about this topic so I wasn’t sure what response I would get from them. I’m happy to report it went really well. Not because of anyone’s particular response towards me (no one said anything about it at all), but because I felt so FREE! I finally felt authentic, genuine, REAL. It wasn’t that I was trying to be fake before… I wanted to share this a long time ago, but God’s timing is perfect. And He gave me His perfect peace yesterday. I felt and still feel so blessed. Thank you Lord that the tears I’ve cried have blossomed into something I never thought possible.
Our worship team sang, In Christ Alone by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend (one of my favorites). The first verse spoke to me so much yesterday:
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
Amen and Amen!
And just think… if it was scary for me to walk into church yesterday…how do you think a gay person might feel walking into a church?