I wish I could tell you…

There was the cutest little boy that came trick-or-treating this Halloween.  He couldn’t have been more than 3 and he was 26026-Baby-and-Child-Green-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Costume-largedressed as a dinosaur.  His mom was carrying him as it was a lot of walking.  She put him down at the end of our neighbor’s driveway and started to follow him to the front door.  My husband and I were sitting in our driveway so I got to see the interaction with his mom.  When he realized that his mom was following him, he stopped dead in his tracks, turned around, and told her to go back to the end of the driveway.  He wanted to do it, “All by myself!” So stinkin’ adorable…and he roared when they gave him candy (smile).  I could hardly contain myself when he walked over to our house.

It made me think of my mom.  I’ve mentioned before how much she loved Halloween.  It’s been 20 years today that she earned her wings and went to be with God.  There are days when it feels like it’s been that long, and then there are days when it feels like it just happened.  She left this earth very suddenly (she had a brain aneurysm while sitting on the floor playing with my children). In some ways, this was a blessing.  Many of my friends are facing making decisions about care for their mothers in the last stages of their life.  I won’t have to go through that pain staking, emotional process.  But at the same time, by not knowing she was going, I didn’t get a chance to tell her things that I would like her to know.

  • I wish I could apologize for the times I asked her “What’s for dinner?” when she walked through the door after working all day.  Ugh…I hate that question as a mom.  Sometimes dinner is a four letter word to me.
  • I wish I could tell her I’m sorry for the times I complained about what she was making for dinner.  I have some picky pants eaters, along with a vegetarian, in my family and it makes dinner time challenging.  Being a mom, I know what it’s like to “slave”over the stove only to have someone turn their nose up at it.  Annoying!
  • I wish we could sit and chat about my sister’s sobriety.  The day my mom died I was explaining to her about tough love.  My sister has been sober now for 12 years.  My mom would be over the moon proud of her.
  • I wish she could have met my sister’s children.  They are beautiful and amazing and my mom would have enjoyed every minute of them.
  • I wish I could tell her that I’m sorry I didn’t listen to her about slouching as I’m paying for it big time now.
  • I wish I could tell her that our trips to the mall when I was a teenager and our giggle fits at the silly things we did are some of my best memories.
  • I wish she could have been sitting in my church when I shared my story.
  • I wish I could tell her that she was the perfect mom for me and I that I miss her terribly.  I hope that I am living up to the expectations that she had for me.
  • The list goes on and on…

I’ve been missing her a lot lately.  It’s been a rough couple of months and I realized that she is MY mama bear.  It’s been hard not having her here in this season.

Love you mom…until I see you again.

Love matters…make sure you tell those who are in your life that you love them because you don’t know how much time you have with them.

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4 thoughts on “I wish I could tell you…

  1. I love you for how deeply you love your mom. I often feel so sorry that she and your dad and you and you sister were separated. I am happy to feel all this love and to have become the beneficiary of an amazing family. I love you all Lesa.

    • We are blessed to have you as part of our family ☺️. I’m so happy that my dad has you in his life and that we get the benefit of knowing you as well. Love you ❤

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