God doesn’t make mistakes. Who knew that four little words could be so painful. I have heard these words used for many different circumstances. Maybe you yourself have used these words to console someone during a difficult time. The words seem harmless enough right? And I think most Christians would agree that God doesn’t make mistakes.
I have a few friends who have children with down syndrome. They are some of the sweetest kids I have ever met. Their innocence and joy for life is contagious. And these parents love their kids fiercely. But when they first got the diagnosis, their worlds were turned upside down. They didn’t know what the future held for their children and it was scary. Some even wondered…worried even…that maybe they had done something to cause it. Time and again they would be reassured that it wasn’t anything they had done. These things happen. It’s out of our control. And besides…God doesn’t make mistakes. They are told that their child is special and unique and here for a reason. They have a purpose in life that can only be fulfilled by them…and those people are right.
I had a friend in middle school that was born with a hole in her heart. It was discovered when she was born. Of course her mom didn’t do anything to cause it…it was just something that happened. She had to wait until she was 13 years old before they could perform the surgery to fix it. I remember being so worried about her when surgery time came around. She came through it with flying colors and is living a happy, healthy life today.
There are so many parents who deal with unexpected news about their child when they are born. Whether it be down syndrome, a heart defect, a cleft palate, a malformed limb, autism….the list goes on. It’s a scary time. Parents wonder what the future of their children will look like. And when they wonder why it happened, and if they caused it, they are reassured that it wasn’t their fault. They are told that God doesn’t make mistakes. They are reminded that their child is special and has a specific purpose for their lives.
In these instances, the phrase “God doesn’t make mistakes” is used as a comfort. They are words to let the person know that they have worth. But too many times, these same words are used in a way that are hurtful.
I don’t believe that I know one transgender person, or parent of a transgender person, that wasn’t told “God doesn’t make mistakes.” In these circumstances, however, it is used as a way to say that who they are is wrong.
“You can’t be transgender because God doesn’t make mistakes.” This is what they are told. In many cases, the person telling them this hasn’t done any research. They haven’t truly listened to their story. They make a quick judgement. It doesn’t make sense to them. They assume that the person is just choosing to be transgender and they see it as dishonoring to God.
This isn’t something that someone decides on a whim. In fact, it isn’t something that they decide at all. The only decision in this is what they choose to do about it. Are they going to live a lie all of their lives, or are they going to take steps to become their authentic self?
I think it’s safe to say that we agree there are differences between men and women. It’s discussed on relationship reality shows, written about in books, and talked about in marriage counseling. When we discuss these differences, we don’t reference our genitals as being the reasons we are different. We talk about our brains. Men and women’s brains are different. I don’t know about you, but no one had to tell me that I was a girl. And I didn’t have to check what was between my legs to determine that I was a girl. I just knew…I was a girl. This is the same for transgender people. The only difference is that their brain doesn’t match their birth assigned sex.
This is something that happens in the womb like all of the other things that are out of the mother’s control. There is a lot of information on the internet that explains this if you are interested. Or you can contact me and I’ll direct you where to look. When you tell a transgender person that they are wrong to be themselves because “God doesn’t make mistakes,” you aren’t disagreeing with them. You aren’t having a difference of opinion. You are telling them that THEY are wrong…that their very being is wrong. And it is harmful.
Yesterday was Transgender Day of Visibility, I want to let all of my transgender friends know that you are not a mistake. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God has a purpose and plan for you. I see the authentic you. I’m here for you. And I love you.
Because love matters…