That’s what the doctor said to me. A doctor I had just met. A doctor that knew nothing about my medical history. A doctor who didn’t examine me or ask me any questions. I was there because I felt something weird in my abdomen area and that was his response. There was no follow up discussion. No…if this is what you have…this is what we will do. I was dumbfounded and quite speechless. I was given a script for an ultrasound and was sent on my way.

I spent the ENTIRE year of 2023 and the beginning part of 2024 chasing this down. In the beginning, I was filled with so much anxiety about it (thank you menopause for a condition I’ve never had before in my life that now was consuming me). I got help to get the anxiety under control (I did EMDR and highly recommend it), but it did not take away the worry that of course someone might have given these words from a doctor.

I literally gave myself a pep talk every morning. I would remind myself that although my primary doctor didn’t know what was going on, he believed I would have other symptoms if it was cancer. I would remind myself that the doctor who said these words did not take the time to get to know me or my history. But then my brain would go down rabbit trails. So in so had cancer and had no idea because they didn’t have symptoms. Or this doctor is a specialist, so he is used to seeing this and I guess this is what most people have when presenting with this symptom.

It took a year and 3 months to get all of the tests done to rule out cancer. It was months of waiting for doctor appointments to get whatever script I needed for each particular test. Then waiting for availability to get the test done. Then months of waiting for follow-up appointments to get said test results. Then months of waiting for next appointment with next doctor and the rollercoaster just went on..and on…and on. It didn’t help my mental state that I know three people who felt something in their abdomen and it was cancer.

My life was on hold…fingers crossed it’s not stomach cancer. Words matter.

I didn’t feel like I could plan anything because…fingers crossed it’s not stomach cancer. Words matter.

I stressed myself out about getting the training done for our puppy because…fingers crossed it’s not stomach cancer. Words matter.

I felt what was in my abdomen every day…and my brain would say, “something terrible might be wrong with you”…fingers crossed it’s not stomach cancer. Words matter.

A year and 3 months later I still don’t know 100% what is going on…but all of the scary stuff has been ruled out. Words matter.

We’ve had this conversation here before about words and how much they matter. So much so, that I may sound like a broken record (I guess that’s a saying that only my readers of a certain age will get). Smile. But as long as I keep seeing people being hurt by words, I will continue to bring it up.

Something that is very frustrating to me is hearing someone that has a platform lie about the community that is so dear to me. What’s even more frustrating to me is the fact that no one will research what these people are saying. They take what they say as the gospel truth. This is so dangerous. Let’s take Tucker Carlson for example. He is well known for his anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric. He had guests on his show that falsely claimed that a particular hospital was performing gender affirming surgeries on minors…some as young as two and three. The night the interview was aired that hospital had a bomb threat. The doctors there received so many death threats that the hospital had to hire extra security. These lies could have had dire consequences with many deaths in their wake. These doctors lives were for sure impacted. Words matter.

Recently a non-binary student in Oklahoma was beaten by several students in the bathroom. They died the next day. The report lists the cause of death as suicide, but there has been a lot of debate about that as they wait for the final medical examination. The chatter I have seen about this makes it seem that the fact this student may have taken their life somehow leaves the students that did the beating off the hook. Unfortunately, this scenario of bullying is all too familiar for the LGBTQ+ community. The attitudes of our leaders don’t help any and I would go as far as to say feed the violence. At a legislative forum that took place shortly after that attack, Senator Tom Woods was asked why the legislation has such an obsession with the LGBTQ+ community (right now that state has over 50 bills targeting them). He responded that Oklahoma is a religious state, a moral state and they don’t want that filth (referring to the LGBTQ+ community) in our state. A religious state. Maybe they have forgotten that we are ALL God’s children. I want to know what Bible has Jesus referring to people as filth. Folks, when leaders have this type of attitude and freely speak about it…it’s no wonder this community is being attacked. Words matter.

As I addressed in my last post Six Days, I can’t imagine the cost these words have on the souls of this community. I shudder to think. I have personally seen the damage it does in the people who are no longer walking this earth because they just couldn’t take it any longer. Perhaps Senator Woods should take a look at Romans 8:38. Maybe his religious, moral state needs a reminder that God loves everyone.

What the doctor said to me in my opinion was very careless. He should have never handled my situation that way. It caused me a great deal of distress for an entire year. But at least I had an end in sight. This was about my physical body that I could do something about. The things that are said about the LGBTQ+ community are much more sinister and damaging. Things like being called a groomer, a pedophile, filth, sexual deviant…the list goes on. These words are about their character, their integrity, their souls. It’s so much more damaging. Studies show that the brain registers, focuses, stores, and recalls negative events much more readily than positive ones. This community not only deals with the fallout of the words said against them…they need to deal with the people who then think it’s ok to incite violence against them.

This month I finally have peace about what’s going on in my body. Those words that doctor said to me have finally faded. Thank goodness! I wish it was the same for the community that I love.

Words matter…let’s make sure they convey love…because it matters.