Christianity

Feeling like a magnet?…

/ Lesa / 2 Comments

I graduated back in good old 1985.  We had two choices in high school when it came to classes back then: college prep or business.  I chose the business route so right after graduation I went out and got a job as a secretary (now they call us Administrative Assistants – sounds so much fancier).  As soon as I secured my first full-time job, I went out and bought a car.  It wasn’t just any car though…it was a brand, spanking new 1985 dark blue Pontiac Firebird. Sweet!  The little kids in my neighborhood thought it was Night Rider (if you remember that David Hasselhoff show).  I can’t believe I don’t have any pictures of it, but I guess back then we didn’t have the convenience of cell phone cameras (smile).  I loved that car.  There was just one problem.  It was a magnet.  That’s right…a magnet.  It just had a way of finding trouble.

My first job was in downtown Baltimore City.  One day as I was driving home, a car cut me off big time.  I didn’t hit the car in front of me, but I felt a “bump” from the back.  I looked in my rear view mirror, but the car behind me was too far back to be what hit me.  I got out of my car in time to see a guy picking up his motorcycle. I asked him if he was hurt and if his bike was damaged.  He answered no to both.  I told him I was sorry, but I had been cut off and that’s why I slammed on my brakes.  I looked to see if my car had damage.  Not a scratch…just a tire print from where the motorcycle literally drove up the back of my car.  Luckily it just took a little elbow grease to get the rubber and dirt off.  Another day driving home, a police officer decided to open his car door just as I was passing him.  He tore up the whole front panel of my car, and then tried to say it was my fault!  I won the fight and the city paid to have my car fixed.

I left the job in the city and got a job where I had to drive I95 everyday.  Sometimes I would need to be to work by 5am.  I lived a half hour away so I was on the road really early.  This was 21 years ago so the highway wasn’t quite as crazy as it is now, and it was pretty empty that time of morning.  I was driving along one day, and saw a tree in the middle of the highway.  A tree!  I didn’t see it until the last minute because it was so dark outside.  I was able to miss most of it, but I did run over one of the branches.  It made an awful sound.  I got to work and when I got out of my car I smelled burnt wood.  I apparently dragged the branch all the way to work with me.  I worked in the offices at Costco so I got the tire center guys to put it on the lift.  Luckily I didn’t do any damage.  Another day on my way home from work on I95 a car in the fast lane lost it’s muffler.  Yep…the whole thing. Now when you are going at a high rate of speed and something falls off your car…it bounces.  I started wincing because I knew exactly what was going to happen.  That muffler bounced from the fast lane over to me in the slow lane. It hit the front of my car, slid up the windshield, and flew off the back. Then there was the time a guy hit me because he was reading the newspaper while driving.  Really?!  Who does that?!  I could go on and on about this car.  It was just a magnet for bad luck.

Do you ever find yourself feeling like a magnet?  Like everything that can go wrong…does go wrong…or trouble just has a way of finding you.  An appliance breaks, your car needs repair, the kids are sick, you get laid off from work, you get bad news about your health, lose a loved one…it can start to feel like you are attracting trouble.  This week as Easter approaches I’ve been contemplating Jesus’ suffering.  Sometimes as Christians we tend to think that once we become believers that should be it for our troubles.  Everything should be peachy keen.  The Bible doesn’t promise us that though.  What it does promise us is that God is always with us. We get dinged and dented like my car by life’s difficulties.  We aren’t perfect.  We have flaws.  But we are loved anyway.  Deeply.  In some of my hardest trials, God has revealed Himself to me in the most incredible ways.  If I never went through those troubles, I wouldn’t have had those experiences with Him.  Now that doesn’t make me say, “Sign me up for some more hardship!”  But it does remind me that He will use those times to help me grow into the person He has created me to be.

I saw this on Facebook today and it reminded me about what I’ve been reflecting on this week.suffering

2 Corinthians 12:9

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.”  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

How cool is it that we are used in our weakness!  We don’t need to be strong and have it all together.  We can still be used despite all our dents and dings from life.  Just like my car…even though it was a little beat up, it was still reliable transportation for me.  It was still very useful and valuable.  Jesus suffered on the cross for us so that we could have eternal life with God.  The sufferings I experience here on earth are just a blink of an eye compared to the eternal treasures of heaven.  It doesn’t mean it will be easy.  But I am so thankful that Jesus paved the way for me to have a personal relationship with my Father in heaven.  It makes those hardships a little easier having Him by my side.

We need to remember that we have been given a gift.  And we need to know that we can claim to be all of these things if we accept Christ:

New in Christ high res copy

 

Jesus died on the cross for us because he loves us.  We need to share that love with others…because love matters.

Coffee-for-Your-Heart-150

MVA and old ladies…the good and the bad…

/ Lesa / 1 Comment

When I was 25 years old, I needed to get my driver’s license renewed.  I had just had my son and didn’t want to have to take him with me so I went on a Saturday when my husband was off work.  I just so happened to pick a Saturday that a flock of teens were testing to get their drivers licenses. The lobby was filled with parents anxiously awaiting their son or daughter to turn the corner.  Did they pass the test?  As I was waiting for my turn to get my picture taken and such, I would hear loud cheers coming from the lobby area.  Another teen passed and got their coveted license.  As I finished up and headed out to the lobby, I opened the door and was also greeted with loud cheers and congratulations.  It took me a minute to realize that the parents assumed that I was a teen that just got their license.  Pretty cool considering I was 25 and a new mother.  Really I chalk it up to being short…people tend to think you are younger when you’re short…but hey…I’ll take it.  Felt pretty good.

There was a down side to looking younger though.  As a way to help senior citizens get their exercise, the malls in my area open their doors early so that the seniors can walk the mall before the stores open.old lady This is especially great when it’s inclement weather. Moms take advantage of it too and strap their young ones in strollers to share the halls with the seniors.   I would frequent the mall in those early days when my son was a baby to get some exercise when it was too cold or rainy outside to do so.  Well it didn’t take long to hear the comments.  There were lots of  little old ladies in that mall and they weren’t shy about sharing their opinion.  In what they thought was a whisper, they would talk to one another as they walked by me.  “That is just awful.  Look at her.  She is just a baby herself.  I don’t know what it is with this generation…babies having babies…it’s just dreadful.”  They assumed I was a teen mom.  I just wanted to yell back at them.  “I’m 25…and I’m married thank you very much!”  It used to make me feel bad.  How could they just assume that about me?

Has anyone ever assumed something about you that wasn’t true?  Are you a quite person?  Do people automatically assume you are stuck up?  Are you overweight because of a medical reason like a thyroid problem and people automatically assume that you just eat too much or are lazy?  It hurts.  You just want to shout…”You’re wrong!  You don’t know my story!”  Assuming that you know something about someone that isn’t correct can cause them great distress.

Here are some untruths that some people assume about gay people:

* They will try to change you.  There are people who think that hanging around someone who is gay will somehow make them gay.  This can’t happen.  You are born gay.  Period.  Just like gay people hanging around straight people won’t make them straight.

*All gay people think about is sex.  Not true.  They are just like straight people.  They don’t think about sex any more or less than a straight person.  We have to stop treating them like they are a sexual act.  If you meet a straight person, you aren’t thinking about who they are having sex with…it should be the same with someone who is gay. Gay/Straight…it comes down to wanting to be loved.  Sex isn’t what defines any of us.

*Gay people aren’t Christians.  There are a lot of gay Christians. I have more to say about this, but I will save that for another time. (smile)

*Gay people are attracted to every person of the same-sex.  As a straight person, are you attracted to every person of the opposite sex?  No.  Neither are gay people.

*Gay people are pedophiles.  I want you to let this one sink in a little.  Imagine if people thought this about your child. Not because of anything they did…just because of how they were born.  Sickening.  Imagine walking around with that burden as a gay person.  I can’t say anything else about this while still being loving so I’m going to let it go.  Let’s just say people need to stop thinking this.

People wonder sometimes why some gay people are so angry.  Well…as a parent of a gay child it’s hard sometimes for me to not walk around angry all the time.  If something has ever been falsely assumed about you, I think you may understand somewhat.  I can’t even begin to tell you the horrors that some gay people have faced. And as a Christian it pains me deeply that some of these things have been done by fellow Christians.  Before you assume something about anyone, get to know them.  Learn their story.  You may find that you had it all wrong.

Love each other…because love matters.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I was a pee wee majorette.  This is me.  Yes the hat was just about as big as I wasmarching back then (smile).  Purple outfit, purple baton, and white boots.  Woo hoo!  I liked marching in the parades, but I really couldn’t wait to be one of the “big” girls. The routine that they did was way cooler than ours. They actually got to throw their batons.  My group routine was so simple that I still remember it today.  We would march through the streets repeating the movements over and over again.  One day as I arrived at the starting point of the parade, I was told that our leader was sick and couldn’t make it.  The leader was always in front of us and she let us know when it was time to do the routine.  Her most important job was to make sure we were ready to go when we passed in front of the judges.  Yes we were judged…I’m not sure why…I don’t remember seeing anyone winning anything, but there must have been some kind of reward at the end of the parade.  On this particular day, I was informed that I was going to be the leader.  Gulp!  Me the leader??  I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it.  But honestly I felt like I didn’t have a choice so I took my spot at the front of the group.  I was told where the judges stand was located and off we went.  I was so nervous.  Everything we did was an 8 count.  Put your arms up and out…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.  Fold your arms in front of you…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8…and so on.  I saw the judges and I led my little group through the routine…and I survived!

This was something I enjoyed.  I signed up for it.  Even though it was something I did willingly, being judged on it was very nerve-wracking every time I did it.  Sweating bullets kind of pressure even it if was just the pee wee majorettes (smile).  Have you ever signed up for something that required you be judged on your performance?  It’s a bit overwhelming sometimes.

How about not signing up for the judgement?  How about being judged for who you are?  I know I’ve talked about this judgement thing before, but it keeps coming up in conversations.  So, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about again…or God’s been having me think about it.  I think sometimes people just don’t realize that they are judging others.  I’ll give you an example…Before we came out that our son is gay, my husband and I were with a group of people.  The topic of homosexuality came up and one of the guys in the group piped up and said, “those people are freaks!”  If I had hair on my back like my dog Lucy, it would have been puffed up like hers when she is in protector mode.  My first reaction inside was anger.  But God gently whispered that this statement was coming from ignorance.  And I don’t mean someone who is unschooled or illiterate, I just mean someone who doesn’t have the experience or knowledge on the subject matter.  It helped me to calm down.  When my husband and I came out to this same group, the same guy touted that he is not judgemental and would never judge our son.

So what was offensive or judging?  First the statement of “those people.”  Ask any gay person and they will tell you they want to be treated like everyone else.  They don’t want to be seen as “those” people…just people.  And the “freak”part is obvious.  Did you know that silence can also feel like judgement?  You may not mean it, but your silence at times speaks volumes.  And it may just be that you don’t know what to say.  I want to let you know it’s ok if you don’t know what to say….just say that! (smile).

We need to remind ourselves of this:

Romans 2:1-4 (NLT)

2 You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. 2 And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. 3 Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things? 4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Now this verse says, “for you who judge others do these very same things.” Maybe this is a stumbling block.  A straight person does not struggle with same-sex attraction, and they never will.  And because they don’t struggle with it, it is easy to condemn others who do.  An “I would never do that.” type of attitude.  I don’t know. When I read this verse, I read that I am a sinner.  Just like everyone else.  I need to worry about myself and go to God for forgiveness and be sure to forgive others.  It’s not my place to point out to someone else what I think they are doing is wrong.  And I’m not talking about the whole accountable thing that church people like to talk about.  You don’t know what any one person is going through, and you don’t know what kind of relationship they have with God.

It amazes me sometimes that people are surprised about the struggles that some gay people go through.  People are really hurting out there.  They overhear statements like what I mention above.  They didn’t choose to be gay (I don’t think I can ever say that enough).  Being judged for who you are is just unfair.

Just my ramblings this week…a topic I’m sure I’ll be thinking about again.

Love each other…because love matters.

 

 

Say it isn’t so…

/ Lesa / 4 Comments

When I was 10 years old, my friends and I loved to skate board.  Now we are talking 1977 so it wasn’t the cool skate boards of today.  The boards were much different back then.  They were very thin, barely fitting your foot – not like the wider versions of today.  And although the wheels weren’t metal like the roller skates back in the day, they weren’t the greatest.  My board was bright yellow and as I think back to what it looked like…it was like riding a banana (smile).  One fateful day as I was riding my skate board home, I had a little accident.  One of my wheels hit a small rock.  The skate board stopped…I didn’t.  I went flying through the air and landed…on my face…specifically…my mouth.  As I was picking myself up off the sidewalk, a little piece of my tooth fell out of my mouth.  It was pretty small so I didn’t think anything of it.  I picked up my board and walked the rest of the way home.

I walked in the front door and told my mom what happened.  She looked at my tooth and admitted that it wasn’t that bad (in fact…she had chipped the same tooth – in the same pattern).  But then she said eight words that rocked my world, “If your tooth dies, it will turn black.”  What?!  Your tooth can die?  She explained that when you injure your tooth sometimes the root dies and it can turn black.  I started crying.  I didn’t want a black tooth.  It was my front tooth! Everyone would see it!  Moments ago I landed on my face and didn’t shed a tear, but my mom tells me that my tooth may change color and I completely fall apart.

When I first learned that my son was gay, it was upsetting.  Not so much because he was gay, but at the time I believed that something somewhere along his life went wrong.  It was my fault…or his dad’s.  I never believed it was a choice, but rather something that could be “fixed.”  So although it was upsetting, I had hope that he could change.  I read everything I could get my hands on regarding the subject.  What I found was very conflicting information.  Upsetting information.  From the Christian standpoint, orientation could be changed.  I read articles from organizations from ex-gay ministries that were very hopeful.  Stories about how people were able to become attracted to the opposite sex.  From the LGBT standpoint, orientation could not be changed.  I read articles from people about how the ex-gay ministry techniques had hurt them.  Stories from parents that had lost their children to suicide because the shame and pain were too much for them to handle when the change they prayed for didn’t happen.

I read my Bible and articles from people who study the Bible.  Scholars of the different languages and cultures of the time.  I found the same thing here.  Compelling arguments from both sides of the debate (Christian and Gay).  What was I supposed to do?  What should I believe?  I found myself distancing myself from God.  I started to read my Bible less, and my prayer life was dwindling.  I felt like I had to make a choice.  Love God, or love my son.  It seemed the two could not co-exist.  I realize now that I didn’t come to this conclusion from reading the Bible, or from reading the articles I had found.  It came from the body of Christ.  The conversations I was hearing among believers on this subject.  People didn’t know that I had a gay son so they spoke freely in front of me about how they felt about gay people.  And what I was hearing was ugly and hateful.  I felt so torn…I didn’t believe what my fellow believers were saying, but I also didn’t want to be blinded by my hopes and dreams for my son.

So I went straight to God.  I told Him that I needed His help.  I didn’t know how to do this.  I was confused.  I so desperately wanted to do the right thing.  I told Him I was at a crossroad…I couldn’t take all the back and forth information.  I didn’t know if I was strong enough to do whatever it was I needed to do.  It was scary because I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear what He would tell me (just like I didn’t like hearing my tooth might turn black).  This is the gist what I heard:

“In case you haven’t noticed, I am God…you are not.  Stop trying to figure this out.  I got this.  It’s between myself and your son, the child that I created.  I love him and it is ok for you to love him too.”  My response was something like, “But God he has stepped away from you right now.  How is he going to hear you?  How will he know what you want him to do?”  And again I heard that it wasn’t for me to figure out…just to love him.  “But what if he dates someone.  What am I supposed to do then??”  And I heard, “Love him too.”  WOW…really?  Well, I can do that (smile).

dont worryI found this on the internet this week.  It reminded me of my brief crisis of faith through this experience.  There were lots of tears, many prayers, and unbearable pain at times.  God saw me, He heard me, and He gave me peace.  I am so thankful for that.

This is an issue that deserves our attention.  Those of us that have gay children feel like we have been plopped down into the middle of a war.  A war we didn’t ask for, a war that our children didn’t ask for.  I have read story after story from parents about how they and their children have been treated by the church…by other believers, in very unkind, unloving ways. Kids are dying.  I love my church…I love the Church.  I just think we need to have some conversations.  I would like to tell people things like think before you speak.  You have no idea what it is like to go through this unless you experience it first hand.  Have your opinions, but speak them with love.  It is possible you know.  And maybe before you give your opinion…ask questions.  Make sure you truly understand the impact of what you are going to say.

We all have trials in this life that we go through.  Whether it’s having a gay child, going through a divorce, dealing with illness, having an addiction, chipping your tooth (smile).  God always sees, always hears, and He will deliver. Most of the time in very surprising, unexpected ways.  By the way…my tooth didn’t turn black.  And after many years of harassment from my dentist…I finally got it fixed 12 years after my accident (smile).

Love each other…God commands it…because love matters.

Coffee-for-Your-Heart-150

 

In whom do I trust…

/ Lesa / 2 Comments

Kai KickI love this picture!  This is Kai doing a jumping side kick.  That’s his dad holding the board that he is breaking.  You can see that there is another person behind him helping to brace for the impact.  It amazes me that someone can be standing perfectly still one second, and in the next jump that high to break a board.  There is a lot of power in that kick…and it takes a lot of trust on the part of the person holding the board because the target area is barely bigger than their foot.  They have to trust that the person is going to hit the board…and not them.  If you’ve ever watched “America’s Funniest Videos,” you know that the kicker is not always successful (smile).

Coffee-for-Your-Heart-150I’m joining Holley Gerth today in her “Coffee for Your Heart” challenge to encourage others.  She usually gives us a theme each week, but this week she gave us our choice of topic.  I decided to write about trust because it’s something that has recently been tested in my family.

On December 11th, my husband Mike was unable to get out of bed.  He had extreme pain in his lower back and literally could not move.  By the next day, I needed to take him to the emergency room.  Let me tell you…that was not easy, and not just because he is 6’2″ and I am only 5’0″ (smile).  The pain was excruciating.  The hospital gave him some pain meds and referred him to an orthopedic surgeon.  When we saw the surgeon, he explained that he suspected a herniated disc was the culprit.  He explained that the body can heal itself given some time, but sometimes surgery is necessary.  My husband decided to try the non-surgical route first.  Well six weeks later, working from home because he couldn’t drive, and hobbling around like an 80-year-old man, he still wasn’t better so he went for an MRI.  At the follow-up visit, we learned that it was indeed a herniated disc…a really big one.  We left the office with a decision to be made…have surgery, or see if the body would heal itself in time.

After doing some research, my husband decided that he should consult with a neurosurgeon to get another opinion as the disc was really pressing on the nerves in his spine.  After consulting with a neurosurgeon, and hearing again that the herniation was very large, he decided to have the surgery.  There was just one problem…they were calling for 17 inches of snow in our area starting the night before surgery.  Sigh.  In the meantime, Mike had done some research (more extensive than he originally had done) and discovered some things about this surgeon that he was a little apprehensive about.  He prayed about it and asked God to give him a sign if he shouldn’t go through with the surgery.  Since the forecast was calling for so much snow, he called the doctor’s office the night before to see if they would be canceling due to the weather.  They assured him that they rarely cancel surgery and it was still a go in the morning.  The hospital was 35 minutes from our house so we decided to get a hotel room 3 miles away to make sure we could make it there in the snow.  The next morning we got up and low and behold…they canceled the surgery. Mike was beside himself.  He wondered what he should do.  Was God telling him not to have the surgery?  Or was God telling him to go to a different doctor?  What did it mean?  He asked for a sign and this surely seemed like a sign. I told him that since he had reservations about the surgeon, I would take the cancellation to mean that he should look for a different one.

So, after tons of research, and asking around to lots of people, he found a doctor that was an orthopedic and neurosurgeon.  He had a very good reputation.  So, we went to see him and were told the same thing.  At this point, we were almost 3 months into this and he was tired of living in pain so he decided to go with the surgery…again.  As the day of surgery was nearing, another snow storm was coming our way…really??  Luckily it wasn’t as big as predicted and it was all clear by surgery day. There was just one problem…Mike started to feel better 3 days before the surgery date.  He had been walking hunched over for months, but suddenly he could stand upright.  He wasn’t completely pain-free, but the pain was suddenly and significantly diminished.  At first he thought maybe he was just having a good day, but after 3 days with less pain he wondered if he was getting better.  Did this mean he was healing?

The day of surgery finally arrived.  We chatted with the nurse as she prepped him.  She asked about his injury and he went through the whole story.  She said she had been a nurse for 34 years surgery had only been canceled twice in all those years.  It seemed clear to us that God didn’t want Mike to have the surgery with that first doctor.  So, the surgeon came in and Mike explained how he was feeling.  The doctor said he didn’t have to have the surgery if he felt like he was getting better, it wouldn’t hurt his feelings (smile).  Mike’s struggle was that he had been praying for healing and he felt like maybe he was healing.  But in his own words, he is a blockhead and he knows that God knows that about him so he had specifically asked for a clear sign.  His partial healing confused him.  Did it mean God would eventually totally heal him?  I felt peace about the surgery, but Mike did not and he wanted to feel peace about whether or not to have the surgery.  What to do, what to do?  The doctor left so that we could chat about it.  Mike said he was praying for a clear sign, but this didn’t feel clear (like surgery getting canceled).  Since he didn’t feel like he had a clear sign, and he knew that God wouldn’t try to confuse him, he trusted that surgery was the right decision.

The surgery took twice as long as it was supposed to because when the doctor went in he couldn’t even see the nerves.  80% of the spinal cavity was filled with the disc and it had wrapped around the nerves.  The reason why he had started to feel better is because the nerve was being choked and was actually dying.  Good thing he had the surgery!

I wrote in another post about “what if’s” and how you can get stuck with that thought pattern.  That particular post dealt with the “what if’s” of the past.  My husband’s “what if’s” were for his future.

What if he died on the operating table?
What if he was paralyzed?
What if the surgery didn’t work?
What if he got an infection?
What if his body eventually healed itself?

On and on…

These “what if’s” had metaphorically paralyzed him.  It made it difficult to make decisions.  He was trying to put his trust in God, but it was confusing.  Looking back it seemed clear that God didn’t want him to have surgery the first time.  The second time was not as clear.  We think that we want clear, concise answers from God all the time.  If we really thought about it though, I don’t think we would like that.  It seems to me that we could become somewhat robotic.  There wouldn’t be much of a relationship if we didn’t have to lean into Him, rely on Him, call on Him in our times of need.  But this trust thing is hard because deep down we know that things aren’t always going to turn out the way we want them to turn out.  We have to trust that God will be with us no matter what happens.  He will always be there to help us.  And He answers us…not always with the answer we want, or with the timing we would like, but He does answer.  The first surgery was canceled.  We felt that was an answer.  The second time it wasn’t canceled and things seemed unclear.  But we got our answer after Mike stepped out in faith.  The doctor said his injury was so bad he wouldn’t have gotten better on his own so surgery was necessary.  In fact, he would have gotten worse.

I had a situation recently that involved trust.  I’m in a women’s study at my church and there are some new ladies in the group so I knew that not everyone knew that my son is gay.  We were going around the room and answering questions.  There were several ways I could have answered the question, but I decided to answer in a way that let them know my situation.  I have a gay son.  I had to trust the ladies in the room which is not easy because in the past when I’ve shared some gossip has come out of it.  But I had to trust that this is what God wants me to do.  He wants me to tell my story.  And I trust that He is with me every step of the way.  It’s the only way I am able to do it.

As Christians, we want to do God’s will.  We consult with Him when we need to make decisions.  However, when we don’t feel like we get a direct answer, we need to step out in faith and trust God.  He can’t work though us if we are paralyzed by fear and indecision.

Psalm 91:2 (NIV)

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

And remember to love each other…because love matters.