Fishing for the truth…

December 10, 2014 / Lesa / 1 Comment

When I was a young girl, my grandfather taught me how to fish. It was an activity that he really enjoyed and he looked forward to the day that he could share his love of fishing with me and his other grandchildren. My grandmother would pack up some sandwiches and snacks and off we would go. She would come along with us…I think in her mind she went to keep my grandfather out of trouble (smile). They would bicker a bit on the way mostly because my grandmother was a back seat driver. “You’re going to fast…slow down. You missed the turn…you should’ve gone that way.” But that was part of the adventure.

There is one particular outing that stands out in my mind. We got to one of our favorite fishing holes and got ourselves set up. It was a beautiful day. Perfect weather…nice and quite. We had the spot all to ourselves. We fished along the shore because we didn’t have a boat. I had a good cast and sat on the shoreline waiting for a nibble. I gave my pole a tug and felt like I had something. I reeled it in a little and I felt some resistance. I thought, “this is it…I’m finally going to catch a big one!” I fought with it a bit, but continued reeling in my line. Boy was I disappointed when I pulled in a BOOT. Of all things. Really? A boot? Who puts their boot out in the middle of a reservoir? I wasn’t going to let it get me down. I stooped down by the cup of bait and got myself another worm. I took the worm and eased it onto the hook being careful not to prick my finger. I wrapped the worm around the hook weaving it on to disguise it from the fish…also making it harder for the fish to steal it. I admired my handy work and looked up just in time to see…BAM! I was a little too close to my grandfather who liked to kick his foot out when he cast. His foot came right in contact with my face and I went flying backwards into the sand. Luckily he didn’t hit me hard so I wasn’t hurt, but I will never forget the image of his shoe heading straight for my face (smile).

I liked spending time with my grandfather. He had some of the greatest stories, and was a good teacher. He went home to be with God when I was 16 years old. My time with him was definitely too short. Although I loved learning from my grandfather, when I became a Christ follower I received an even greater teacher. The Holy Spirit.

John 14:26
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

John 16:13
When He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come”

The Holy Spirit is a trustworthy guide. He helps believers discern between what is true and what is not. The Holy Spirit is God’s way of communicating with us. Everything he communicates to us is from the Father. 1 Corinthians 6:19 says that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. It’s pretty amazing that God sent us such a precious gift that actually dwells inside of us.

Here’s what I find interesting. Some fellow believers are very quick to point out what they perceive as weaknesses in other believer’s faith. They may not mean to, but they come across as haughty. It is very off-putting to be told that your faith just isn’t as strong as the person that is speaking to you. When they have not experienced what you have, but they insist that your faith just isn’t strong enough, it is very insulting. So many times LGBTQ people are told that once they really come to know Jesus and become a faithful follower then they will be healed from their sexual desires. They will be the first to tell you that they don’t need to be healed because they aren’t sick. They don’t need to be fixed because they aren’t broken.

Have you spent countless hours, years even, pouring over the scriptures that speak about homosexuality? Have you questioned and cried out to God about it? Have you put every once of energy into making sure you were hearing God correctly about those verses in the Bible? Praying desperately for the Holy Spirit to guide you. I can assure you that most LGBTQ Christians have done all of these things. And I believe that the Holy Spirit has led them through the process. I know He has led me.

But aren’t we supposed to hold people accountable? Aren’t we supposed to show them the truth? Well, I trust the Holy Spirit more than I trust my own understanding. I’ve seen first hand the struggle, the questioning, the agonizing hurt that some of my LGBTQ friends and their families have gone through. I trust the Holy Spirit in them. Our God is big and full of mystery. I will never have all of the answers, and I don’t want them because that would make Him small. My hope in all of this is that when I get to heaven God tells me that I loved well. Period.

Here is a picture of my grandparents. I think they are just adorable. I miss them both very much.

I leave you with this:

Romans 5:5
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Love has been poured into your heart…don’t let it go to waste…because love matters.

Caution…deconstruction up ahead…

December 1, 2014December 3, 2014 / Lesa / 2 Comments

One of my favorite shows on television is Top Chef. You would think I liked to cook with as much as I watch it, but in reality I really don’t. Part of the reason I find it unpleasant is all of the dietary “restrictions” that are in my family. For instance, my husband hates tomatoes, and any color pepper. I guess it could be worse…when I met him all he ate was boxed macaroni and cheese, and stove top stuffing (smile). My daughter hates anything Italian, and doesn’t care for garlic in her meals (there are many other dislikes, but the whole post would be about that). My son is a vegetarian. He isn’t always home for dinner so that isn’t much of an issue, but when he is I am at a loss for what to feed him. This also means no chicken or beef stock in recipes for him. Then there is me. I’m not supposed to have white potatoes, rice, pasta, or bread. So, it’s a whole lot of no fun when trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Sigh…

Despite all of that…I love the cooking shows…especially Top Chef. They put those poor chefs through the most tc_episode_504_14 difficult challenges. I like to see how they come up with creations with all of the wrenches that they throw at them. Not only do they deal with some strange food sometimes, but the kitchens that they give them to work in aren’t always the best…in fact…they aren’t always kitchens! And the amount of time they give them to come up with elaborate dishes…forget about it! They rush around the kitchen, cooking like crazy, waiting for the dreaded words, “Hands up – utensils down.”

One of the things I find fascinating is when they deconstruct a dish. You will hear them say, “this is chicken pot pie deconstructed” and it looks nothing like what a chicken pot pie is supposed to look like. The chefs break down the original recipe by looking at each ingredient individually. Sometimes they elevate the ingredients by choosing a more healthy option, or a more gourmet replacement. When they cook the dish, they make it their own and arrange it in a completely different way. It’s the same, but it isn’t. (smile).

Well I can say that my faith has been deconstructed. I’ve shared before that when I first learned that my son was gay, I was afraid to read my Bible. I didn’t want to read that I would need to abandon my son. I didn’t want to read that I shouldn’t love him anymore. I know that sounds crazy, but there are churches that teach this doctrine. I never heard this teaching at my church yet I was afraid. This intrigued me. Why did I feel this way if it was never taught from the pulpit? As I’ve met more people, I’ve realized that this is really common…even in churches where it wasn’t talked about. I think it stems from the overall message from the Christian community. It’s an unspoken belief in many cases. Since I believed something that was never taught directly to me, I wondered how much more of my faith was “tainted.”

I read the Bible and I’ve been in tons of Bible studies. But even given that, my faith was flat. The scary thing is that I didn’t realize it. I took the different teachers at their word. I didn’t really question what they were telling me. I’m not saying that what they taught was false, but I decided that I should dig deeper. So that’s what I did, and it’s been amazing! I have learned so much. When something hits you personally like this, it has the tendency to turn your faith upside down. And that’s ok. I would say that it’s actually a good thing.

I took the pieces of my faith that had shattered to the ground. Questioned them. Examined them. Then took the parts that made sense to me, elevated the ones that were weak, and turned them into a gourmet faith that has deeper roots and bears more fruit. At least that’s my hope.

Strong-faithTab

I was so inspired by the faith of the people who attended The Reformation Project conference that I went to in November. I sat in the back of the church the first night. As worship began, you could feel God’s presence. I had already met several people who stories with the church were not good stories. As I watched faces turned upward, hands lifted, and voices raised tears flowed down my cheeks. I couldn’t get over the expression of love that I was witnessing. This coming from some who weren’t even allowed in churches in their home towns. People who have been told that God hates them. Told that they are an abomination. They were finally free to worship God in a church with fellow believers. Their faith was strong and it flowed out of them like a river of love for God. It was beautiful and it has changed me forever. Despite their trials, they had a deep faith and love for God and it was inspiring. My prayer is that they will one day no longer feel rejection and be free to worship where they want to worship being loved for who God created them to be.

Love matters…now go show the world.

I’m coming out (sang like Diana Ross)…

November 13, 2014November 15, 2014 / Lesa / Leave a comment

The other day I heard the song “Lady” by the Little River Band on the radio. Boy did it bring back memories. I’ve mentioned before that I LOVE music. When I hear a song, it takes me right back to whatever was happening at that time in my life. Well this was 1978. I was in the 6th grade. Every Friday night my friends and I would go to the rec center in my neighborhood for middle school dances. I thought I was sooo grown up because I would get home just as the television show Dallas was coming on. That show came on at 9pm (smile). I was “big stuff” alright.

These dances were so much fun. They had contests for different dance styles (disco, slow dancing, etc). They even NapoleonDynamiteDancing had some singing contests…kind of like karaoke but without all of the fancy equipment. I never did the singing, but I did participate in the dance contests every week and even won a few. As fun as these dances were to me, there were some pretty scary moments as well. Being an 11-year-old girl, waiting for a boy to ask me to dance, was pretty terrifying. What if no one asks? What if someone does (smile)? Awkward times for sure. Being in this scenario as a young gay person, however, adds much more trepidation.

I’m often asked why gay people feel the need to “come out.” Why can’t they keep what happens in the bedroom private? If we were just talking about sex, that would be a valid point. But coming out, isn’t a declaration about sex. I haven’t read one “coming out” story that included anything about sex actually. I want you to know that for most people coming out is a painstaking decision. It is not taken lightly…there is a lot at stake. It takes some people years to take that step.

If you were single for any length of time longer than what your family thought was reasonable, you were probably bombarded with tons of questions at family gatherings by well-meaning relatives. “Have you met anyone interesting lately?” “What ever happened with so and so…he/she was nice?” “What are you waiting for? You aren’t getting any younger you know.” “Don’t you want to have children?” Pretty annoying. Now imagine being gay and getting these same questions. Over and over again…not just by relatives, but by well-meaning friends as well. “I have the perfect girl/guy for you.” You politely decline the “set-ups.” But eventually, these situations are too painful to bear. It’s not just a matter of answering the questions. Sure you can say you haven’t met anyone, but having to do this over and over again starts to feel like lying. Let’s face it…some people are pretty aggressive when it comes to pursuing someone. Having to tell someone “no” many times can be daunting. Especially if you don’t like hurting other people’s feelings.

I can’t speak for someone who has come out, but I have a little glimpse into what it is like because I went through a coming out process as a parent of a gay child. You know how it is when you haven’t seen or spoken to someone for a while who knows your children…the first thing you do is catch up with each other and what your kids are up to. Someone would ask me about my son and I would say he is doing well when in reality I was surviving day by day just trying to keep him alive. I didn’t feel genuine. Instead of facing reality, I was pretending. Coming out and telling my story freed me from those feelings. I am so glad that part of my journey is over. After the initial fear of putting my “news” out there, I felt freedom that is indescribable. I wanted to shout it from mountain tops because it was healing…but singing the Diana Ross song that is in my title sufficed (smile).

I don’t mean to make light of the process. I’ve talked to many gay people who have described their coming out process. Many of these stories are painful. This past weekend I actually got to hear some of these stories in person at The Reformation Project Conference in Washington, DC. My heart is still breaking from some of the stories that I heard that weekend. The people who shared that part of their lives with me have left an imprint on my heart that will be there forever. I met some AMAZING people…so full of love and grace even when treated horribly. And even though there are many sad stories, I also know that there are lighter souls out there because they are being true to themselves. The outcome with family members and friends may not always be what they hope for, but it is often during this process that they realize that God loves them just the way they are.

Of course, not everyone’s journey is the same, and people come out for their own personal reasons. But, if someone comes out to you, treat them with grace and dignity. They aren’t flaunting their sexuality. They are fragile. They are trusting you with their very lives and hearts. So love them…

Because love matters.

Peep!…

October 13, 2014December 17, 2025 / Lesa / 6 Comments

Growing up I was in charge of watching my little sister after school until my parents got home from work. Every day I would meet up with her and we would walk to the bus stop together. On one particular day, we had quite the adventure. I had forgotten the house key and we had to wait on our front porch for our dad to get home. It really wasn’t a big deal as it was a nice day and we only had to wait about an hour for him. We were relaxing on our porch swing when a girl around my age came walking up the street and started a conversation with us. I was 13 at the time and my sister was 8.

At first the conversation was harmless. I had no idea who she was, but she said that she lived one block over from our street. During the conversation, the girl started to get agitated. I have no idea why. As things started to get heated, my sister slowly moved and hid behind me. The girl chick proceeded to get more and more angry and then she did something really weird…she opened our mailbox and started to go through our mail! At that point, I was done with this conversation and told her she needed to move along…and leave our mail alone. She started to come up our porch steps and got in my face a bit…which really freaked out my sister. I made sure she stayed behind me and told the girl she needed to leave our property. She gave me a bit of a fit, but finally started to back down. As she reached the final step, she turned around and announced that she was leaving now, but if she heard one “peep” out of us we were going to “get it.”

Well…if you know me personally, you know that this did not fly. I get a little defiant if someone tells me not to do something the way this girl did. I guess it’s because I’m small and people would try to push me around because of it. I waited until she got down the sidewalk…almost out of sight behind a row of bushes…and said “pppeeeeppp!” I couldn’t resist. I thought my sister was going to faint. The girl came stomping back to us. I honestly can’t remember what happened next. I was busy reassuring my sister who was pretty much hyperventilating at this point. Good times (smile). I can tell you that it ended peacefully though.

Telling me what to do didn’t always go well…at least coming from a peer. My defiant streak would come out. Defiance…a refusal to obey something or someone. I’ve had some conversations with people who think LGBTQ people are defiant. They think LGBTQ people just want to do what they want regardless of consequences and without taking into account what the Bible has to say about it. This frustrates me. I don’t think it is right to judge what people’s motives are when you don’t know where they are coming from. The people who have had these conversations with me don’t even know someone who is gay, yet they’ve made the decision that LGBTQ people don’t care what God says about this issue. This needs to change. So let’s turn the tables for a moment…

We all know the Bible states many things that are sins. Let’s pretend for a moment that homosexuality does not exist and let’s put the spotlight on gluttony.

Webster says that gluttony is:
Excess in eating or drinking

These are some of the things the Bible says about gluttony:

Proverbs 23:2 (NIV)
Put a knife to your throat if your are given to gluttony.

Proverbs 23:20-21 (NIV)
Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.

Proverbs 28:7 (NIV)
He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father.

I would say these are some pretty strong statements. Wouldn’t you? If the church treated gluttonous people the way some treat the LGBTQ community, it might look something like this:

* You go into a church for the first time, and you find a seat in one of the pews. It doesn’t take long before an usher approaches you and taps you on the shoulder and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t allow your kind here. I mean, if we allow you to stay, people may think that we are OK with it. If word gets out that we are OK with you attending, others may come as well. So, we are going to have to ask you to leave.”

* Or maybe the church is very welcoming to you when you arrive. When the call to communion comes, you leave your seat to join the communion table, but as you approach an usher comes up to you and says that you can’t take communion until you “become right with God” He explains that it is obvious to him that because you are gluttonous, you do not have enough self-control, haven’t prayed enough, and don’t trust God enough at this time in your life. You can enjoy the service, but no communion for you.

* You’ve attended a church for a few months and decide that you would like to become a member and maybe even start a ministry where you see the church has an opening for one. You are politely told that once you get control of your gluttony they would be happy to welcome you as a member and allow you to be a leader of a ministry.

* What if it’s your child? They hear that there is a fun youth event happening and they want to go and check it out. When they get there they are turned away because the leaders don’t want them influencing the other youth to be gluttonous.

Over and over again you are told “The Bible says…., the Bible says….the Bible says…” Not once in any of these scenarios has anyone taken the time to get to know you. They just assume that you can’t control yourself. I don’t think you would feel very good about God’s people if this happened to you over and over again. Sadly, it may even change the way you feel about God.

I didn’t come up with these scenarios. They have happened. But not to gluttonous people, it’s happened to LGBTQ people. And they are repeatedly told they are unwelcome, not good enough, and their Christianity is questioned. We need to make sure this group of people are no longer marginalized.

Disclaimer:

I didn’t want to write this post. In fact, I have been procrastinating about if for over a year now. It’s one of the very first “themes” that I felt like God wanted me to write about to help tell our story. I fought Him on it…for a long time. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I knew I would be stepping on some toes. I even went as far as writing a few themes on pieces of paper and drawing one out of a cup. Yep, it was this one. I really tried hard not to write it. I don’t for one second feel like God wanted to pick on any one group of people. I think what God might be getting at is asking us to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We are not here to be judge and jury for other people. There are many strong statements in the Bible. My question is this:

Who is going to be in charge of which verses we pick to judge others?

The Bible does, after all, have verses that speak against gluttony. But it is ridiculous to think that we would turn people away, or penalize them in Church because they are gluttonous, yet this happens often to LGBTQ people and their families.

Any way…I did it. Not sure why I was supposed to, but maybe He will leave me alone about it now…or maybe not (smile).

One thing I do know for sure…we are called to love each other…because love matters.

Does love REALLY matter?…

September 24, 2014 / Lesa / 5 Comments

49913435.FallSky_DSC4675 I was standing on my deck. It was the first cool evening of the season…the first sign that fall was nearing. I was alone with my thoughts…contemplating the prompting I was feeling from God to share my story. A prompting to start a blog. I couldn’t imagine that I was “hearing” Him correctly. I knew absolutely nothing about blogs. I kind of knew what they were, but I had no clue how to start one. I was also questioning Him…once again…if what I was doing was right. Loving my son was so easy. There is nothing he could do that would take that love away. I guess for me loving meant accepting and that is where I was getting tripped up. Like a child on a long trip that asks repeatedly, “Are we there yet?” I kept asking God the same questions.

Am I really hearing you or is this something I want to believe?
Am I handling things the way you want me to?
Am I going to be hated because of this?

I’m sure I drove Him crazy just like my kids have done on occasion on those long trips (smile). I pondered whether or not it was possible to have my faith and love what my “Christianity” had told me was unloveable. And then I heard it…like a whisper…”love matters.” Be accepting, be loving…because it matters. I knew in that instant I was supposed to share my story in a blog, and I was to call it “Love Matters.” This month marks my one year journey.

So, why does love matter?

I think the easy answer to that is “God is love.”

1 John 4:8 (NIV)

8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

God certainly matters and if God is love, then doesn’t love matter too? I want to know God. REALLY know Him. So, I am going to love because I think that is where I will meet God. And if I don’t love…I have nothing and I gain nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

I also think it is our responsibility to love…

Matthew 22:36-40 (NIV)

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

So what is love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Can you imagine what this world would be like if we all lived like that…loved like that?

How will we (Christ followers) be known…

John 13:35 (NIV)

35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

We are made in God’s image. We all need love because we all need God, and God is love. We have an emptiness without Him. He loved us so much that He sacrificed His son for us. And He asked that we love Him and our neighbors. This is why love matters. It’s a big deal, and I’m not pretending that it is easy. In fact, sometimes it will be the hardest thing you do. But in doing so, you might meet some amazing people that you otherwise would not have known. It’s not a feeling…it’s an action.

So go out and share some love…because love matters.

Good-way-to-say-i-love-you