The land of what if’s…

FROSTY THE SNOWMANSeeing the commercials for the upcoming Christmas shows for kids always bring back fond memories.  I can remember the excitement of this time of year as a kid.  I loved watching those shows because it meant Christmas was getting close.  Some of my favorite characters were the Heat Miser, Rudolph, the Misfit Toys, and of course Santa.  But there was one show that made me cry EVERY year.  Frosty the Snowman.  It didn’t matter that I knew what was coming…seeing Frosty melt was just too much for me.  I remember trying to come up with a plan to keep Frosty “alive”.  As a child, I wanted to make a house out of ice that Frosty could live in year round.  What if that could really happen?  Then he wouldn’t have to melt…right?

As I’ve mentioned, when I first learned that my son was gay I went to Christian resources to find out what to do.  I read articles, listened to CD’s, researched, and prayed.  I found a lot of resources that promised change. However, the things that were referenced in the materials didn’t make sense for my family.  The things they “blamed” being gay on weren’t in our family dynamics.  I was always left feeling like my husband and I were responsible in some way.  What if…in the beginning of my journey was a phrase I used a lot.

  • What if my husband didn’t have to travel so much when the kids were younger…
  • What if I didn’t have an auto immune disease that left me tired with fevers, headaches, and join pain…
  • What if we had lived in a different neighborhood with more boys for my son to play with…
  • What if he went to public school where he would have had more boys to choose to hang out with instead of being with the same kids for all 8 years in the private school he went to…
  • What if we lived closer to family so he would have more male influences…

I “what if’d” myself TO DEATH!  I needed to change my way of thinking so of course I went to God for help.  I can’t tell you how many conversations I had with Him…and still have today.  I just wanted to do His will in this situation.  I got a little spiral notebook and started writing verses in it to help me focus on Him.  I filled that one and got another one…and then another one.  I carried these notebooks with me all the time…and still do to this day.  I have the Bible verses divided into sections with titles like these:photo (6)

Hope – Isaiah 40:31
Protection – Ephesians 6:12-13
Thanksgiving – Philippians 4:6
Praise – Psalm 95:1-2
Rest – Proverbs 3:5-6
Help – Psalm 147:3
Cares – Nahum 1:7
Faith – 1 Corinthians 16:13
Peace – Romans 5:1

This helped me so much.  It kept me connected to God during a time when I could have very easily stepped away.  I am so very grateful for His strength, love, hope, and confirmation that He loves my son no matter what. Confirmation that my husband and I did not cause this to happen.  So…

  • What if my son was given to my husband and I because God trusted us to handle it in a way that was honoring to Him…
  • What if God has given me a voice through this journey that He wants me to share with other gay people and their families that are ignored by the church…or worse…condemned by it…
  • What if the reason He didn’t “change” my son is because he is fearfully and wonderfully made exactly as God planned for him to be…

What if we are called to love because He first loved us…

Because love matters…

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9 thoughts on “The land of what if’s…

  1. Another great thought along with the many others you have offered to us all so far. I pray the Lord continues to give you the strength, resolve, patience and words to keep everyone who reads your blog on the edge of the Spirit’s revelation to the Body of Christ about this subject. God has used you to open my eyes so much wider and look far more gently to all sides of this issue. And to me, because of you it is no longer an issue, it is people. Thanks so much.

  2. Lesa, what if…we all could realize just how deeply The Lord loves us? If we could embrace how great, unending, long lasting, enduring and lavishing it is. Then what…
    Thanks for another great post!!

  3. For those parents out there struggling with how to respond to a gay, lesbian or gender confused child, I pray you will take head what Lesa writes and follow in her footsteps in loving your child no matter what. In my profession I see teens commit suicide all the time because they hate themselves for the feelings they have and they are so confused they just don’t know what to do. Parents you can help – LOVE your child no matter what their preferences are! They need your support and love more than anything else in this world. I just had another 16 year old commit suicide yesterday due to this issue so please don’t take this lightly. Thank you Lesa for having the love and courage to write this blog to help other families.
    P.S. Love the Prayer Journal. 🙂

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