So I googled the word frustrated tonight and this is one of the pictures I found:
I have to admit…it made me feel a little bit better. Look at that face! I had a post all ready to go for today. I wrote it yesterday. I usually pray before, during, and after a post before I actually “publish” it. I finished it pretty late last night and wanted to sleep on it before posting it today. I got sidetracked this morning by an article someone posted about the church and gay people. There were a slew of comments after the article. I have to tell you…reading those comments I was ashamed to call myself a Christian. I couldn’t stop thinking about it…and it made my heart heavy.
There is nothing wrong with having a strong opinion. There is nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in and being very passionate about it. It is, however, wrong to tear other people down when discussing your stance on something. The name calling and strong language is just wrong. The funny thing is that the people who have the strongest opinions assume a lot (you can tell by what they say) and they really have NO CLUE what they are talking about.
When I read posts like I did today, it always makes me question if I’m doing the right thing by having this blog. Is this really what God wants me to do? Did I hear Him right? Will it ever really make a difference? As I was pondering these questions, God showed me these verses (in the translation that I have listed):
1 Timothy 1:12 – New American Standard Bible (NASB)
12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service,
Zephaniah 3:17 – New International Version (NIV)
17 The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Thank you for the reminders Lord. This was the verse He led me to before I started the blog:
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 – The Message (MSG)
13-14 Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute, and love without stopping.
As the Tenth Avenue North song says…”Empty my hands, fill up my heart, capture my mind with you”
Did you ever have rituals at bedtime as a kid? You know, the kind that you felt kept the scary monsters away?
For me it was the running, flying, leap into bed. Somehow I thought if my feet didn’t come near the floor of my bed, the scary monsters underneath of it couldn’t get me. I also thought if I kept completely covered by my blankets (just my head sticking out), they wouldn’t be able to see me and if they couldn’t see me, they couldn’t get me. When I was really little, I watched the Wizard of Oz and those darn monkeys scared the heck out of me. My mom had to create what she called “monkey spray” to spray away all the monkeys so they wouldn’t get me while I slept. It’s funny how kids minds work.
I was reminded of these things yesterday. The things that scared me as a kid…and the things that scare me today. And yesterday was a pretty scary day. I went to church like I do every Sunday. Only this particular Sunday was the first Sunday after my blog went public. The proverbial cat was out of the bag. Now I know my entire church has not read my blog… I have no idea who has read it really. But since I posted it on FaceBook I know that some people from church have seen it. So, to walk into church was a little scary. I know how some people feel about this topic so I wasn’t sure what response I would get from them. I’m happy to report it went really well. Not because of anyone’s particular response towards me (no one said anything about it at all), but because I felt so FREE! I finally felt authentic, genuine, REAL. It wasn’t that I was trying to be fake before… I wanted to share this a long time ago, but God’s timing is perfect. And He gave me His perfect peace yesterday. I felt and still feel so blessed. Thank you Lord that the tears I’ve cried have blossomed into something I never thought possible.
Our worship team sang, In Christ Alone by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend (one of my favorites). The first verse spoke to me so much yesterday:
In Christ alone my hope is found He is my light, my strength, my song This Cornerstone, this solid ground Firm through the fiercest drought and storm What heights of love, what depths of peace When fears are stilled, when strivings cease My Comforter, my All in All Here in the love of Christ I stand
Amen and Amen!
And just think… if it was scary for me to walk into church yesterday…how do you think a gay person might feel walking into a church?
Well…it took me 10 years and searching for something I wouldn’t mind when I’m 80 (smile), but I finally took the plunge and got a tattoo. I figured here would be the most logical place to show this new work of art since this was my very first blog post. I’ve been wanting a tattoo for quite some time. I wanted something that would show that I’m an ally (notice the rainbow colors). I chose the butterfly because it reminds me of so many people I’ve met along this journey. People who have hidden their true selves from the world because they were afraid of being rejected…living in dark closets (cocoons). When they can no longer hide, they break out of the dark place that they have been hiding and share their beautiful selves… bravely facing a world that in many ways rejects them. I have a butterfly bush and I love watching the butterflies enjoying it every summer. Each one is unique. Some are torn and tattered, but their beauty shines through regardless. Each time I see one, I am reminded of my LGBTQ+ friends. And that is why I decided on this design as my permanent sign that I am an ally.
And my original post from 10 years ago…
I have a confession to make…I am absolutely fascinated by tattoos. I think they are so beautiful (well most of them…some are downright scary). If you asked my kids, they would probably tell you that I am totally against them. It’s not that at all. I’ve just always told them if they are going to get one to be smart about where it is on their body…and to make sure they will still like it when they are 80 (smile). I really appreciate the artistic expression of a tattoo. I envy the talent and confidence it takes to draw something permanently onto someone’s skin. I’m sure there are times in public that people think I’m a total creeper for staring at their tattoos. I’m just fascinated about the story behind them. One of these days I’ll get up the nerve to ask someone. Every once in awhile I will catch one of the reality TV shows that have competitions for tattoo artists. It is just amazing to me. As much as I appreciate tattoos, I personally do not have any. I’ve never come across a design that I like enough to put on my skin forever (that I would still like when I’m 80). The shows that I watch give the stories behind the tattoos that people get. Sometimes it’s to honor someone in their lives…maybe someone they were close to that has passed away. Others get tattoos to pinpoint a moment in their lives that is meaningful to them. At times, it’s because they have a design that they just really like and want to be reminded of on a daily basis. And let’s face it, there are those who get tattoos when they’ve had one too many to drink. Regardless of why, it’s always a personal choice to get a tattoo. It got me to thinking…what if we didn’t have a choice. What would we do if God decided to tattoo our bodies with our sins. Something to help us to remember what we’ve done…maybe as a deterrent to not do it again. Things like…
I’m a cheater
I’m a thief
I am prideful
I’ve lied
If God did decide to do this, I guess we could cover up the tattoos. There are many people who get tattoos and no one ever knows about them. As a matter of fact, this year will be the first year that a Miss America contestant will show her tattoos. She said that many girls have them in the pageant, but they choose to cover them up. But if they were our sins, how could we ever cover up all of them…
I harbor bitterness
I hold onto anger
I’m jealous
How about…I’m gay
I think if you are a believer you can agree that we all sin. Many of our sins are private…no one knows about them (except for God of course). But if you are gay, and you come out, that is something that is very visible. Something that the church calls sin. I feel, however, that most believers (I know not all of them) treat the person themselves as sin. Someone to be totally avoided. And because of that, many gay people go to great lengths to keep their true selves hidden. It is a terrible way to live. This brings me to my point…and the point of this blog. My son is gay. I would like to share my journey that began six years ago when I learned this about him. I know for “church people” this is a controversial subject, but I invite you into my story to share with you what I’ve learned along the way.
There is another reality show on TV about tattoos that is my favorite. The artists help people who have the most embarrassing, ugliest tattoos and transform them into beautiful works of art. It is truly amazing what they are able to accomplish. When they are finished, it’s like the old tattoo never even existed. As believers, we have someone who does that for us too…Jesus. He takes His blood, covers our ugliness, and transforms us into new beings. Forgiven…the old is gone. Why…because He loves us…even gay people. And…love matters.
Love Matters 
