Gay

Is that something in my eye…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  How many of us have heard that over the years from our mothers?  Not a bad motto to live by, but it seems that some people just can’t help themselves.  I’ve run into my fair share of bullies.  It seems that they didn’t learn the “golden rule” of being nice.  For the most part, I eventually learned to ignore them.  My sister on the other hand had a bully that tormented her endlessly.  She was more sensitive to it and offered the reaction that the bully was looking for time and time again.  She would come home in tears day after day because this boy scared her and bothered her on the bus ride home.   It got to the point that my dad knew something needed to be done.  So he sent me.

One day I waited at the bus stop for her to get home.  I was about fifteen which means she was 10.  This bully lived in our neighborhood so I knew that he would be getting off at the same stop.  So there I was on the busiest Seddie12street in our neighborhood….waiting (wearing my catholic school uniform no less).  My sister got off the bus and I had her stand behind me.  The young man got off as well.  He was older than my sister and had no business picking on her.  I marched up to him, grabbed him by his shirt collar (probably had to tippy toe because he was taller than me), and told him that if he ever bothered my sister again I would rip his face off.  Then I gave him a little shove as I let go of his collar.  He never bothered her again.

Now I have said this before…I do not believe in violence of any kind.  As someone who was picked on for being small, sometimes my bark had to be worse than my bite so to speak.   But I promise I was and still am a nice person (smile).  Just don’t ever tick me off (wink).  All kidding aside this bully issue is a big deal.  The official definition says that to bully someone is to frighten, hurt, or threaten someone.  I think this list should include talking badly about people in a way that makes them feel small or less than.  I think sometimes we view bullying as physical or really threatening, but it can be subtle.

I was at lunch one day with a group of moms.  Our children all went to the same Christian school for years and that is how we all met.  These moms all professed to be followers of Jesus.  At the time, I knew my son was gay, but was not “out” with it yet.  One of the moms made a comment that she was never watching the Dr. Phil show again.  When someone asked her why, she proceeded to say that he had a gay person on his show.  She felt that was wrong.  In fact, she thought God should strike all gay people dead and send them straight into hell.  I felt bullied.  I felt like my son was being bullied and he wasn’t even there!  I was really taken aback by her disdain for gay people.  What did they ever do to her to evoke such a strong reaction?  I had to hold back the tears.  This was my child she was talking about.  (I held it together though and I promise I didn’t threaten to rip her face off) (smile).  I forgave her because I knew she didn’t understand.

I’d like to say that was the last time that happened to me, but I can’t.  And as upsetting as it was to me, I cringe when I think about my son hearing something that hateful.  The psychological damage is great.  What many probably don’t realize is gay people tend to already have that negative language in their minds about themselves  because of what they’ve been taught.  Add to that the verbal attacks from others and no wonder the suicide rate is so high.

Every day people are bullied out of their jobs, denied service in stores and restaurants, and are not invited to family gatherings because they are gay.  I saw a post on FB about a lesbian being hired by the Girl Scout organization.  The person who posted it was appalled that this could happen.  I have to wonder…what do people think is going to happen?  That her lesbianism is going to rub off on the girls?  That she is going to teach them how to be a lesbian?  Do they think that this lesbian will not be able to control herself around these girls?  All misconceptions of gay people.  I bet the person who posted it never thought that they could be contributing to the possibility of ruining that person’s livelihood, but it happens a lot.

Unfortunately, in some cases church goers are the biggest bullies in this area.  Christians use the Bible to put others down.  I really think they feel that they are helping…that somehow they are “saving” those that they are pointing the finger at.  But what they don’t understand is that they come off as “holier than thou”.  It may not be their intent, but the Bible also tells us to worry about our own sin before we point out someone else’s (Matthew 7:3).  That goes for any topic of concern. You don’t know what is in someone’s heart.  You don’t know the conversations that they’ve had with God.  Your “helping” could be the very thing that makes them run as far as they can from God.  Do we really think that is what He wants?  Lord help me to always check my eye, my heart, before I check my neighbor’s.

I got coffee from Starbucks this morning and this was written on the sleeve:

blossom

 

 

The negative things we think about someone and how that comes out is what ultimately makes them shrink down to less.  We should be building people up.  So don’t think that you have it all together and know everything when engaging with someone.  God has created everyone with a unique purpose to achieve what He created them to be.  Don’t be the one to get in the way of that.

This is really easy if you love each other…because love matters.

Swimming against the tide…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

The year was 2002.  It was a beautiful beach day at the beginning of our vacation.  We were with two other beach-chairsfamilies that we vacationed with each year.  Each family had two children and they were all close in age to each other which made it convenient. We rented an awesome beach house together.  Having six kids running around at the beach was a little hard to keep track of at times.  We were constantly scanning to make sure all kids were accounted for…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Usually they were in different configurations…two looking for sand crabs by the water’s edge, two building sand castles, two sun bathing, etc. but it was always the same scan…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

At one point during that morning, my son was out in the ocean getting ready to ride in some waves with my friend’s daughter. At the time, they were in water about knee-deep.  As the waves came towards them, they would rise with it doing the doggie paddle with their little cheeks puffed up as if to help them float.  I happened wavesto notice, however, that at the end of one of the rises it seemed they were unable to touch.  I watched as I saw panic enter their eyes as indeed they were in water over their heads.  I alerted my husband that they were in trouble. He and one of the other dads immediately ran into the water. Unfortunately they didn’t take floating devices with them and it wasn’t long before I could tell that the guys were also in trouble.  They were caught in a riptide, my husband and son being out the furthest.

Because it was the end of August, and the college kids were back at school, our section of the beach did not have a life guard.  They were spread out since they were short-staffed and the closest one was about 3 blocks away.  My friend starting running up the beach towards the life guard frantically waving her arms to get his attention.  It was her daughter that was in the water with my son.  Luckily she did not get pulled out as far and she and the dad who went out to help her got to shore pretty quickly.  That was not the case for my husband and son.

I couldn’t believe what was happening.  Every fiber in my body wanted to run into the water to help them, but I downloadknew it was useIess…they were out too far. There was nothing I could do…but pray.  I swear it was like I had laser beams coming from my eyes as I focused my prayers on them.  I could not take my eyes off of them and I just got the sense to NOT STOP PRAYING.

I could tell that my son was panicking.  His instinct was to swim toward shore to known safety.  However, that is the worst thing you can do if you are caught in a riptide.  My husband knew that they had to swim parallel to the shoreline to get out.  It didn’t take them long to get tired and at one point my husband tried to get my son to float on his chest so that he could paddle them both to safety.  It just wasn’t working.  Then it happened.  My son went under and he didn’t come back up.  I saw my husband go under after him and he lifted him up and tried pushing him sideways to get out of the current.  This continued for a bit.  And as my husband went under, my son came up, and as my husband came up, my son went under. I kept praying for their heads return to the surface.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my husband shared with me that as my son came out of the water coughing and spitting he would call out, “God please help us!  God save us!”  He was 10 years old and still believed in the miracles of God. He still believed that God loved him and would save him.  And as he was calling out to God from the ocean, I was calling out to God from the shore.  It was as if time had stood still, and I could tell that they were running out of energy.

I learned later that my husband reached a point where he had nothing left in him.  He just knew he was going to drown.  He just wanted to try to save his son.  So with the last bit of strength he had left, he went under one last time and pushed our son sideways.  And it worked!  The next wave that came brought him in to shore towards me…he was out of the current.  My husband says he blacked out after that and doesn’t remember anything.  He just remembers coming to with people telling him he was in shallow water and could touch.  He has no idea how he got there. We believe it was a miracle.  The life guard got to him just as he was in knee-deep water and helped him the rest of the way out.  When he got to the shoreline, he collapsed onto the sand from sheer exhaustion.

Have you ever felt like you’re swimming against the tide?  Does it seem like you know where you are supposed to go or what you are supposed to do, but you just can’t seem to get there?  Do you question God during these times? It’s ok to question.  Maybe you are right about where God is taking you…you just need to take a different path.  Stop swimming so hard against the tide.  Look at your situation with a different view.  Maybe God needs to teach you something before you reach your destination, or maybe there is someone you are supposed to take along with you and they aren’t ready yet.  Luckily God sees the big picture.  We can lean into Him and trust this journey that He has us on.  Take some time to hear His voice.  Ride the swell of the wave and enjoy the view.

pathWhen I first learned that my son was gay, my prayer life was fighting against the tide.  I thought the final destination that God wanted was for him to change.  So, that is what I prayed for…it’s what my son prayed for too.  But we couldn’t get to the shore.  I started to listen for God’s voice and began asking Him to help me to accept this new journey.  I did the opposite of the obvious with His guidance and started swimming parallel to the shore.  And along that process I learned that it’s really all about love.

Because love matters…

 

It’s a jungle out there…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

house on Letitia AveI grew up in the city.  It wasn’t the concrete jungle part of the city though.  I lived in a single family house with a decent sized yard with an above ground pool.  This was my house…not sure why it had two-tone siding…it was like that when my parents bought it and we just kept it that way (smile).

I can’t speak about neighborhoods outside of the city, but the guys in our little neighborhood were very territorial.  There were several little neighborhoods around ours, and they all seemed to be rivals of each other. Think of your sport team’s nemesis and that is what it was like. Unfortunately, this lead to some neighborhood fights.  There was one in particular that was really bad.  I’m not sure why this fight started, but I can tell you I’m sure it was over something trivial.  The guys were preparing for the fight by gathering chains and other items that could be used as weapons. It was like something out of The Outsiders movie (or book).  When I outsidersrealized how bad it was going to be, I started to head home.  I guess the police got wind of the fight because as I was making my way home I almost got hit by a police car…and I was on the sidewalk!  Things were chaotic and crazy!

That’s pretty much how I feel about all the bickering that goes on fueled by the media.  Crazy!  The latest being the coverage of Michael Sam and his being the first openly gay player selected in the NFL draft.  Immediately I saw posts complaining about the acceptance of Sam, and the negative comments that Tim Tebow received previously for being Christian. People get so tied up in knots about this stuff, and they spew words that can hurt as much as fists and chains.

Some people will say they are just expressing their opinion…it doesn’t mean that they hate any specific group of people.  They wonder why people get so defensive or angry about it.  Well lets pick on smokers for a moment.  If someone told you every time you smoked a cigarette, that you were killing the precious body that God gave to you, I have a feeling that it would get really old eventually. How about every time you lit up, someone quoted the verse in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:  Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?  You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price.  So you must honor God with your body.  You may get a little defensive about it over time.  And smoking is something that you do…it’s not who you are…you can become a non-smoker.

Gay people are bullied, discriminated against, sometimes beat up, and are told over and over again that they are an abomination to God and are going to hell.  Daily.  Of course eventually they can’t take it and they get angry or defensive…or both.  So when people post articles like the ones out there now about Michael Sam, it feels like a personal attack.  Being gay is who they are not something that they do.

I’ve read some things recently that Christians feel that circumstances such as the differences in how the public reacted to Sam and Tebow mean that Christians are being persecuted.  I think it is crazy to feel that way from “some” people’s opinions.  I think things get blown so out of proportion.  Like the guys in my neighborhood that would fight over trivial things.  I’m a Christian.  I don’t feel like I’m being persecuted.  Do some speak out against my beliefs?  Of course.  But I’m not going to whine about that.  Just ask Meriam Ibrahim what it’s like to be persecuted for faith.  She is pregnant, sitting in a jail, and sentenced to death because she won’t renounce her faith.  That is persecution.

We are told that being Christian at times will not be easy.  It is our choice to be a Christian.  I can tell you that being gay is not easy.  People do not choose to be gay.  They can choose to be celibate, but they are still gay.  And I can tell you that they face persecution almost daily because of it.

Jesus’ words remind me that life on this earth won’t always be easy:

John 16:33 (NLT)

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

MacLaren’s Expositions has this to say about the above verse:

So end these wonderful discourses, and so ends our Lord’s teaching before His passion. He gathers up in one mighty word the total intention of these sweet and deep sayings which we have so long been pondering together. He sketches in broad outline the continual characteristics of the disciples’ life, and closes all with the strangest shout of victory, even at the moment when He seems most utterly defeated.

We shall, I think, best lay on our hearts and minds the spirit and purpose of these words if we simply follow their course, and look at the three things which Christ emphasizes here: the inward peace which is His purpose for us; the outward tribulation which is our certain fate; and the courageous confidence which Christ’s victory for us gives.

I like the statement, “closes all with the strangest shout of victory, even at the moment when He seems most utterly defeated.”  I get frustrated too by comments that people make about Christians, as well as, comments that people make about gay people.  I just remind myself that Jesus has this.  He is victorious.  I don’t need to argue. I’m not saying that we should all stick our head in the sand, but I will say that we need to educate ourselves fully before we become a squeaky wheel about any topic.

I found these this week.  I think they speak into this issue and I love what they all have to say:

Remember to love each other…because love matters.

Is God REALLY good ALL the time…

/ Lesa / 4 Comments

We have this little back and forth interaction with our pastor on some Sunday mornings.  It goes like this:

Pastor:  God is good.
Congregation:  All the time.
Pastor:  All the time.
Congregation:  God is good.

Don’t worry…this isn’t going to be a long post on theology (smile).  I find myself cringing sometimes when people use the statement, “God is good.”  It’s not that I don’t believe it because I do with all of my heart.  I just wonder what people who question faith or don’t have faith think about it.  For instance, I’ll see a post on FB asking for prayer.  Everyone chimes in and says that they will pray for the situation.  Days later, we may get an update that things went well and the prayer was answered in the way the person wanted.  Friends will then comment that “God is good.”  I find it interesting, however, that people do not comment this way if the desired outcome is not achieved.  I wonder…what do people who don’t have faith in Jesus think about this?  I agree wholeheartedly that God should be praised for good outcomes to prayers.  But we need to remember that He is still good and should be praised when things don’t turn out the way we may have hoped.  I would hate for someone to assume that God is bad, or that they themselves must be bad, if God doesn’t answer in the way they wanted.  We tend to think that because God is good…only good things will happen.  This isn’t true.  When my mom died suddenly from a brain aneurysm while playing with my children, God was still good (you can read about that in the post “I will see you again”).  When my sister was in the throes of her addiction to alcohol, God was still good (she has been sober for over 10 years now – woo hoo).  When my son spent a week in a psychiatric hospital because he wanted to end his life, God was still good (post “Buttons and shoestrings”).  I could go on.

All of these things were difficult, but God was and is still good.  These events caused me to wrestle with God.  That wrestling has developed some good spiritual muscles (smile).  God can take a tragedy and bring something miraculous from it.  He can take our darkest moments and change lives of others.  I would like to share a story with you.  It’s not my story, but it so easily could have been.  I introduce to you Rob and Linda Robertson.  This video is from the last ever Exodus conference on June 20, 2013.  Their story is one of pain, loss, hope, redemption and so much more.  It’s 34 minutes, but it doesn’t seem long as you watch it.  I urge you to take the time to view it:

God is Good

 

God IS good…ALL the time.  Thank you so much Rob and Linda for sharing your story.  It truly is saving lives.

Are there “buts” attached to your love?  We should love “just because they breathe.” Because love matters.

 

I always feel like somebody’s watching me (said like Rockwell’s song from the 80’s)…

/ Lesa / 2 Comments

My mom was a people watcher. One of her favorite past times was to sit on a bench at the beach, and watch the people walk by on the boardwalk.

bench

 

She could spend hours doing this.  In her defense, there were a lot of interesting sites to see. There was a down side to her favorite past-time though.  She did not hide her expressions if she thought what people were wearing or what they were doing was a little “out there.”  David_Morgan4

dangerIt was particularly embarrassing at the mall.  She would pass someone, give them a look, and continue to crank her head around to see them once she walked past them.  She just couldn’t help herself.  This lead to a few disasters of walking into glass walls, tripping over her own two feet, and knocking items off of clothing racks.  Many giggle fits took place after these mishaps.  I have to admit these are some of my favorite memories of her.

I get to do a lot of people watching on Sunday mornings at church.  I’m at the Guest Service area where new people can get information about the church.  It’s one of the first things you see when you walk in so I pretty much get to see everyone that walks through the door.  I paid particular attention this past Easter Sunday.  Our church has a casual dress policy, but on Easter Sunday people tend to dress up.  Everyone looked so nice in their “Sunday best.”  I mentioned that I was extra observant this past Sunday.  The reason for this was my son agreed to come and I was anxiously awaiting his arrival. It’s been a tradition for years to go to church as a family on Easter (we used to go every Sunday as a family, but times have changed).  You see, he’s pretty much given up on God right now.  Unanswered prayer does that sometimes. But I asked him if he would come and he said yes.  I wasn’t sure if he would because back in September I started this blog (with his permission) that pretty much outed him as a gay young man.  I wasn’t sure if he would be brave enough to walk through the doors.  I can only imagine how self-conscious he felt.

I’m very grateful that there were two ladies in the lobby who have known him since he was a little boy who gave him a welcoming hug.  I can tell you that this would not happen at all churches.  Did you know that there are websites that gay Christians visit to find gay affirming churches?  These are churches that welcome LGBT people.  Can you imagine having to do that for yourself? The Bible says very strong things against divorce, but divorced and/or remarried people don’t have to find divorce affirming churches.  I could give many other examples.  I have friends that would have loved to go to church on Easter, but couldn’t because their church has kicked them out because of their gay children. And these are children who haven’t had sex. They are discriminated against for how they were born.

So along with everyone in their Sunday best, I also saw greed, anger, jealousy, lust, and many others walk through the doors of my church.  Are they repenting of these sins?  I have no idea.  No one knows what is truly in the heart of another.  Yet they were all welcome.  There was no one at the door checking sin ID’s.

Let me ask you…if you’re neighbor was an addict, would you invite them to church?  If you knew a couple where infidelity was tearing them apart, would you invite them to church?  If you had a gay friend, would you invite them to church?  What if they had a partner?  Would you invite both?  I bet two things run through your mind with the last question.  Would they be allowed in my church?  Would people think I was “ok” with them being gay if they walked in with me?

I wonder…what would Jesus do?

Love each other…because it really matters.