At my wits’ end…

/ Lesa / 6 Comments

Wits-end-770x433I feel beat up.  It’s been a rough week. I’m going to heed my mom’s advice that I mentioned in my last post…if you don’t have anything nice to say….don’t say anything at all.  And I honestly don’t have anything nice to say.  I am frustrated.

Here are two things that have come out this week:

John MacArthur was recently asked by a reader how they should respond to an adult child who has acknowledged they are gay. His parenting advice?

Alienate them.

Separate them.

Isolate them.

Refuse to have a meal with them.

Turn them over to Satan.

 

Then there was this:

Scott Esk is a conservative Republican running for a seat in the Oklahoma state Legislature, and he says he wants to apply Biblical principles to Oklahoma law. He also thinks that gay people should be put to death by stoning. And he isn’t doing much to hide the fact that he believes gay people deserve to be murdered, either.

I just don’t have any words to convey what this feels like.  My heart isn’t in the right place so I’m going to sit with it for awhile.  Prayers appreciated.

Is that something in my eye…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  How many of us have heard that over the years from our mothers?  Not a bad motto to live by, but it seems that some people just can’t help themselves.  I’ve run into my fair share of bullies.  It seems that they didn’t learn the “golden rule” of being nice.  For the most part, I eventually learned to ignore them.  My sister on the other hand had a bully that tormented her endlessly.  She was more sensitive to it and offered the reaction that the bully was looking for time and time again.  She would come home in tears day after day because this boy scared her and bothered her on the bus ride home.   It got to the point that my dad knew something needed to be done.  So he sent me.

One day I waited at the bus stop for her to get home.  I was about fifteen which means she was 10.  This bully lived in our neighborhood so I knew that he would be getting off at the same stop.  So there I was on the busiest Seddie12street in our neighborhood….waiting (wearing my catholic school uniform no less).  My sister got off the bus and I had her stand behind me.  The young man got off as well.  He was older than my sister and had no business picking on her.  I marched up to him, grabbed him by his shirt collar (probably had to tippy toe because he was taller than me), and told him that if he ever bothered my sister again I would rip his face off.  Then I gave him a little shove as I let go of his collar.  He never bothered her again.

Now I have said this before…I do not believe in violence of any kind.  As someone who was picked on for being small, sometimes my bark had to be worse than my bite so to speak.   But I promise I was and still am a nice person (smile).  Just don’t ever tick me off (wink).  All kidding aside this bully issue is a big deal.  The official definition says that to bully someone is to frighten, hurt, or threaten someone.  I think this list should include talking badly about people in a way that makes them feel small or less than.  I think sometimes we view bullying as physical or really threatening, but it can be subtle.

I was at lunch one day with a group of moms.  Our children all went to the same Christian school for years and that is how we all met.  These moms all professed to be followers of Jesus.  At the time, I knew my son was gay, but was not “out” with it yet.  One of the moms made a comment that she was never watching the Dr. Phil show again.  When someone asked her why, she proceeded to say that he had a gay person on his show.  She felt that was wrong.  In fact, she thought God should strike all gay people dead and send them straight into hell.  I felt bullied.  I felt like my son was being bullied and he wasn’t even there!  I was really taken aback by her disdain for gay people.  What did they ever do to her to evoke such a strong reaction?  I had to hold back the tears.  This was my child she was talking about.  (I held it together though and I promise I didn’t threaten to rip her face off) (smile).  I forgave her because I knew she didn’t understand.

I’d like to say that was the last time that happened to me, but I can’t.  And as upsetting as it was to me, I cringe when I think about my son hearing something that hateful.  The psychological damage is great.  What many probably don’t realize is gay people tend to already have that negative language in their minds about themselves  because of what they’ve been taught.  Add to that the verbal attacks from others and no wonder the suicide rate is so high.

Every day people are bullied out of their jobs, denied service in stores and restaurants, and are not invited to family gatherings because they are gay.  I saw a post on FB about a lesbian being hired by the Girl Scout organization.  The person who posted it was appalled that this could happen.  I have to wonder…what do people think is going to happen?  That her lesbianism is going to rub off on the girls?  That she is going to teach them how to be a lesbian?  Do they think that this lesbian will not be able to control herself around these girls?  All misconceptions of gay people.  I bet the person who posted it never thought that they could be contributing to the possibility of ruining that person’s livelihood, but it happens a lot.

Unfortunately, in some cases church goers are the biggest bullies in this area.  Christians use the Bible to put others down.  I really think they feel that they are helping…that somehow they are “saving” those that they are pointing the finger at.  But what they don’t understand is that they come off as “holier than thou”.  It may not be their intent, but the Bible also tells us to worry about our own sin before we point out someone else’s (Matthew 7:3).  That goes for any topic of concern. You don’t know what is in someone’s heart.  You don’t know the conversations that they’ve had with God.  Your “helping” could be the very thing that makes them run as far as they can from God.  Do we really think that is what He wants?  Lord help me to always check my eye, my heart, before I check my neighbor’s.

I got coffee from Starbucks this morning and this was written on the sleeve:

blossom

 

 

The negative things we think about someone and how that comes out is what ultimately makes them shrink down to less.  We should be building people up.  So don’t think that you have it all together and know everything when engaging with someone.  God has created everyone with a unique purpose to achieve what He created them to be.  Don’t be the one to get in the way of that.

This is really easy if you love each other…because love matters.

Swimming against the tide…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

The year was 2002.  It was a beautiful beach day at the beginning of our vacation.  We were with two other beach-chairsfamilies that we vacationed with each year.  Each family had two children and they were all close in age to each other which made it convenient. We rented an awesome beach house together.  Having six kids running around at the beach was a little hard to keep track of at times.  We were constantly scanning to make sure all kids were accounted for…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Usually they were in different configurations…two looking for sand crabs by the water’s edge, two building sand castles, two sun bathing, etc. but it was always the same scan…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

At one point during that morning, my son was out in the ocean getting ready to ride in some waves with my friend’s daughter. At the time, they were in water about knee-deep.  As the waves came towards them, they would rise with it doing the doggie paddle with their little cheeks puffed up as if to help them float.  I happened wavesto notice, however, that at the end of one of the rises it seemed they were unable to touch.  I watched as I saw panic enter their eyes as indeed they were in water over their heads.  I alerted my husband that they were in trouble. He and one of the other dads immediately ran into the water. Unfortunately they didn’t take floating devices with them and it wasn’t long before I could tell that the guys were also in trouble.  They were caught in a riptide, my husband and son being out the furthest.

Because it was the end of August, and the college kids were back at school, our section of the beach did not have a life guard.  They were spread out since they were short-staffed and the closest one was about 3 blocks away.  My friend starting running up the beach towards the life guard frantically waving her arms to get his attention.  It was her daughter that was in the water with my son.  Luckily she did not get pulled out as far and she and the dad who went out to help her got to shore pretty quickly.  That was not the case for my husband and son.

I couldn’t believe what was happening.  Every fiber in my body wanted to run into the water to help them, but I downloadknew it was useIess…they were out too far. There was nothing I could do…but pray.  I swear it was like I had laser beams coming from my eyes as I focused my prayers on them.  I could not take my eyes off of them and I just got the sense to NOT STOP PRAYING.

I could tell that my son was panicking.  His instinct was to swim toward shore to known safety.  However, that is the worst thing you can do if you are caught in a riptide.  My husband knew that they had to swim parallel to the shoreline to get out.  It didn’t take them long to get tired and at one point my husband tried to get my son to float on his chest so that he could paddle them both to safety.  It just wasn’t working.  Then it happened.  My son went under and he didn’t come back up.  I saw my husband go under after him and he lifted him up and tried pushing him sideways to get out of the current.  This continued for a bit.  And as my husband went under, my son came up, and as my husband came up, my son went under. I kept praying for their heads return to the surface.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my husband shared with me that as my son came out of the water coughing and spitting he would call out, “God please help us!  God save us!”  He was 10 years old and still believed in the miracles of God. He still believed that God loved him and would save him.  And as he was calling out to God from the ocean, I was calling out to God from the shore.  It was as if time had stood still, and I could tell that they were running out of energy.

I learned later that my husband reached a point where he had nothing left in him.  He just knew he was going to drown.  He just wanted to try to save his son.  So with the last bit of strength he had left, he went under one last time and pushed our son sideways.  And it worked!  The next wave that came brought him in to shore towards me…he was out of the current.  My husband says he blacked out after that and doesn’t remember anything.  He just remembers coming to with people telling him he was in shallow water and could touch.  He has no idea how he got there. We believe it was a miracle.  The life guard got to him just as he was in knee-deep water and helped him the rest of the way out.  When he got to the shoreline, he collapsed onto the sand from sheer exhaustion.

Have you ever felt like you’re swimming against the tide?  Does it seem like you know where you are supposed to go or what you are supposed to do, but you just can’t seem to get there?  Do you question God during these times? It’s ok to question.  Maybe you are right about where God is taking you…you just need to take a different path.  Stop swimming so hard against the tide.  Look at your situation with a different view.  Maybe God needs to teach you something before you reach your destination, or maybe there is someone you are supposed to take along with you and they aren’t ready yet.  Luckily God sees the big picture.  We can lean into Him and trust this journey that He has us on.  Take some time to hear His voice.  Ride the swell of the wave and enjoy the view.

pathWhen I first learned that my son was gay, my prayer life was fighting against the tide.  I thought the final destination that God wanted was for him to change.  So, that is what I prayed for…it’s what my son prayed for too.  But we couldn’t get to the shore.  I started to listen for God’s voice and began asking Him to help me to accept this new journey.  I did the opposite of the obvious with His guidance and started swimming parallel to the shore.  And along that process I learned that it’s really all about love.

Because love matters…

 

It’s a jungle out there…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

house on Letitia AveI grew up in the city.  It wasn’t the concrete jungle part of the city though.  I lived in a single family house with a decent sized yard with an above ground pool.  This was my house…not sure why it had two-tone siding…it was like that when my parents bought it and we just kept it that way (smile).

I can’t speak about neighborhoods outside of the city, but the guys in our little neighborhood were very territorial.  There were several little neighborhoods around ours, and they all seemed to be rivals of each other. Think of your sport team’s nemesis and that is what it was like. Unfortunately, this lead to some neighborhood fights.  There was one in particular that was really bad.  I’m not sure why this fight started, but I can tell you I’m sure it was over something trivial.  The guys were preparing for the fight by gathering chains and other items that could be used as weapons. It was like something out of The Outsiders movie (or book).  When I outsidersrealized how bad it was going to be, I started to head home.  I guess the police got wind of the fight because as I was making my way home I almost got hit by a police car…and I was on the sidewalk!  Things were chaotic and crazy!

That’s pretty much how I feel about all the bickering that goes on fueled by the media.  Crazy!  The latest being the coverage of Michael Sam and his being the first openly gay player selected in the NFL draft.  Immediately I saw posts complaining about the acceptance of Sam, and the negative comments that Tim Tebow received previously for being Christian. People get so tied up in knots about this stuff, and they spew words that can hurt as much as fists and chains.

Some people will say they are just expressing their opinion…it doesn’t mean that they hate any specific group of people.  They wonder why people get so defensive or angry about it.  Well lets pick on smokers for a moment.  If someone told you every time you smoked a cigarette, that you were killing the precious body that God gave to you, I have a feeling that it would get really old eventually. How about every time you lit up, someone quoted the verse in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:  Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?  You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price.  So you must honor God with your body.  You may get a little defensive about it over time.  And smoking is something that you do…it’s not who you are…you can become a non-smoker.

Gay people are bullied, discriminated against, sometimes beat up, and are told over and over again that they are an abomination to God and are going to hell.  Daily.  Of course eventually they can’t take it and they get angry or defensive…or both.  So when people post articles like the ones out there now about Michael Sam, it feels like a personal attack.  Being gay is who they are not something that they do.

I’ve read some things recently that Christians feel that circumstances such as the differences in how the public reacted to Sam and Tebow mean that Christians are being persecuted.  I think it is crazy to feel that way from “some” people’s opinions.  I think things get blown so out of proportion.  Like the guys in my neighborhood that would fight over trivial things.  I’m a Christian.  I don’t feel like I’m being persecuted.  Do some speak out against my beliefs?  Of course.  But I’m not going to whine about that.  Just ask Meriam Ibrahim what it’s like to be persecuted for faith.  She is pregnant, sitting in a jail, and sentenced to death because she won’t renounce her faith.  That is persecution.

We are told that being Christian at times will not be easy.  It is our choice to be a Christian.  I can tell you that being gay is not easy.  People do not choose to be gay.  They can choose to be celibate, but they are still gay.  And I can tell you that they face persecution almost daily because of it.

Jesus’ words remind me that life on this earth won’t always be easy:

John 16:33 (NLT)

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

MacLaren’s Expositions has this to say about the above verse:

So end these wonderful discourses, and so ends our Lord’s teaching before His passion. He gathers up in one mighty word the total intention of these sweet and deep sayings which we have so long been pondering together. He sketches in broad outline the continual characteristics of the disciples’ life, and closes all with the strangest shout of victory, even at the moment when He seems most utterly defeated.

We shall, I think, best lay on our hearts and minds the spirit and purpose of these words if we simply follow their course, and look at the three things which Christ emphasizes here: the inward peace which is His purpose for us; the outward tribulation which is our certain fate; and the courageous confidence which Christ’s victory for us gives.

I like the statement, “closes all with the strangest shout of victory, even at the moment when He seems most utterly defeated.”  I get frustrated too by comments that people make about Christians, as well as, comments that people make about gay people.  I just remind myself that Jesus has this.  He is victorious.  I don’t need to argue. I’m not saying that we should all stick our head in the sand, but I will say that we need to educate ourselves fully before we become a squeaky wheel about any topic.

I found these this week.  I think they speak into this issue and I love what they all have to say:

Remember to love each other…because love matters.

Love never fails…

/ Lesa / Leave a comment

Well…I am feeling quite under the weather this week.  Good ole’ spring time cold.  My prayer time has also been focused on other things lately so I haven’t really talked to God about a post for this week.  I did, however, come across this gem during one of my devotionals…and well…you know how I feel about love:

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

New Living Translation (NLT)

Love Is the Greatest

13 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

 

No matter how discouraged I get with the negative comments that I see day in and day out.  No matter how much I question if I am doing the right thing…I know that love never fails.  love never fails

Without love, I am a noisy gong, I am nothing, I gain nothing.  So I choose to love…no matter what…because love matters.

 

 

 

coffee for your heart