It was a normal school night. I was sitting at the kitchen table doing my homework. Both of my parents were out for the evening so I was watching my little sister. She was downstairs in the basement watching television. All of the sudden I heard a loud “boom” and we lost all of our electricity. As I sat in the dark wondering what happened, I heard a panicked voice from the basement say, “Lesa, I’m blind!” My poor sister thought she had suddenly gone blind. Now you have to know her to understand this. She was/is a worry wart. She is the person you tell not to read side effects of medication because she will have all of them (smile).
I got up from the kitchen table and walked over to the basement steps. “You’re not blind,” I said. “We just lost electricity.” I told her to
stay put…that I was coming for her and I carefully made my way down the steps to get her. When we got back to the kitchen, I picked up the phone and dialed my uncle’s number who lived just around the corner from us. To this day, my sister will say how amazed she was that I could dial the phone in the dark. Impressionable little mind (smile). My uncle came to check on us and let us know that someone hit a telephone poll and the transformer blew up causing everyone to lose electricity. Crisis diverted.
I feel like I’ve been in a bit of a crisis lately. Not a crisis of faith in God….more of a crisis of faith in humanity. I’ve been having a hard time being at church recently. I feel guilty that I can be there when so many of my LGBTQ friends can not go to church….or don’t feel comfortable or welcome in church. I’m part of a private FB group of moms who have LGBTQ kids. Moms desperate for help, guidance, and answers. I hear story after story of rejection…from their churches, their friends, their family. There are times that I have to step away from the computer…for days…because I am overwhelmed by their pain and their children’s pain. I’ve driven hours to meet some of them for lunch. Total strangers…with a deep connection that can’t be explained.
It’s also hard to sit in church with people who think terrible things about my son (if you say something about a gay person, you are saying it about my son). Most of whom have never even had a conversation with him…don’t know him at all for that matter. Things that are said always seem to have a way of coming back to me. I wish people would actually say these things to my face so that I could at least have a conversation about it. Sometimes I wish God would protect me from the things that people say, but that burden is so small in relation to what LGBTQ people themselves have to deal with everyday. I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His…and He answered that prayer. I also asked God to help me to love as He does. I love these people tremendously. People that I just meet…it’s like I’ve known them my whole life. And I love them. How lucky am I that I get to be a participant in the demonstration of God’s love?! The love I feel is just a glimpse of the fierce love that God has for them.
So when I wonder “Why in the world am I doing this? I am just a small fish in a really big pond,” I remember that I’m part of God’s plan. When I worry about whether or not I’m making a difference, or if I’m doing enough, in the quite moments God reminds me that I’m not alone in this and I’m exactly where I need to be.
This past weekend was the GCN Conference. I wanted to go SO BADLY, but it was in Portland. A little far for me (smile). There were some Westboro Baptist protesters outside of the event. I wouldn’t have a problem with people standing up for their beliefs if they did it in a respectful way. The signs that they were carrying were disgusting. I won’t even repeat what they had on them. The most shocking thing to me was to see young children holding the signs. When the local churches heard that WB was going to be there, they decided to come with their own signs and they formed what they called a “wall of love” protecting conference attendees from the protesters. They were signing praise and worship songs so loudly that the protesters couldn’t be heard. Tears. And to top it off…God provided a rainbow overhead (smile). (Rainbows are symbols for LGBTQ) Faith in humanity slowly being restored…Crisis diverted.
Love each other…because love matters.
the shore because we didn’t have a boat. I had a good cast and sat on the shoreline waiting for a nibble. I gave my pole a tug and felt like I had something. I reeled it in a little and I felt some resistance. I thought, “this is it…I’m finally going to catch a big one!” I fought with it a bit, but continued reeling in my line. Boy was I disappointed when I pulled in a BOOT. Of all things. Really? A boot? Who puts their boot out in the middle of a reservoir? I wasn’t going to let it get me down. I stooped down by the cup of bait and got myself another worm. I took the worm and eased it onto the hook being careful not to prick my finger. I wrapped the worm around the hook weaving it on to disguise it from the fish…also making it harder for the fish to steal it. I admired my handy work and looked up just in time to see…BAM! I was a little too close to my grandfather who liked to kick his foot out when he cast. His foot came right in contact with my face and I went flying backwards into the sand. Luckily he didn’t hit me hard so I wasn’t hurt, but I will never forget the image of his shoe heading straight for my face (smile).
difficult challenges. I like to see how they come up with creations with all of the wrenches that they throw at them. Not only do they deal with some strange food sometimes, but the kitchens that they give them to work in aren’t always the best…in fact…they aren’t always kitchens! And the amount of time they give them to come up with elaborate dishes…forget about it! They rush around the kitchen, cooking like crazy, waiting for the dreaded words, “Hands up – utensils down.”
Alcoholism destroys lives. I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve shared this story because I have been in the trenches of addiction with someone. It is ugly and it ravages lives. It makes the person addicted very selfish. Their alcoholism can also be destructive to their family and anyone who loves them. A person who is an alcoholic eventually learns that the alcohol is their enemy. If they take the steps to stop drinking, their lives change for the better. They are able to bear good fruit. Asking someone who is gay to give up their sexuality does the opposite of what happens when an alcoholic stops drinking. It causes them to hate their sexuality and since sexuality is a part of who they are…they end up hating themselves. This often causes depression and unfortunately thoughts of suicide for many. It’s a very different picture from a recovering alcoholic. I guess some would argue that a gay person accepting their sexuality and acting on it causes destruction in their lives, but that is a conversation for another time (smile).
Love Matters 